Miracle Cure Kills Another Patient in ICU

ICUP Seneca has lost another patient this week after their special miracle cure failed to perform a miracle. According to sources, Jenifer Deathwish has just passed away after being injected with the drug which is a product of Venango Campus. The drug has already killed 6 patients this week leaving doctors wondering if this is in fact a cure for anything.

Deathwish was admitted to the hospital earlier yesterday due to a sore throat. Doctors tried everything they could to get her to feel better. When surgically removing her lungs failed to help her situation, doctors then resorted to beating her with a baseball bat. This also proved to only create other issues.

Doctors finally resorted to a miracle drug produced by Venango Campus. Professors at the college say they had much success spraying the Raid on bugs such as bees and watching them perish. In theory, the drug should have the same effect on diseases in the body.

Deathwish was injected with the Raid at 3 PM yesterday after waking from her coma. She imediately fell back asleep and has failed to wake up again. Doctors say that her heart seems to also be taking a rest as it has completely stopped beating.

Doctors believe that this miracle drug produced by Venango Campus may not in fact be a drug at all. If it is, they say it probably serves a different purpose than what it has been used for.