Millcreek Survives Pool Noodle Left in Public Place

Several attacks have failed to dismantle Millcreek's giant gun (Mall) over the weekend, with the most recent threat involving a tiny pool noodle. Witnesses say they observed an Erie spy crossing into Kearsarge (a cultural enclave living among greater Millcreek natives), carrying an armed pool noodle with what they described as an "obvious intent to do harm."

"Those of us with Kearsarge blood were fearful that the community built by our ancestors would face its final moments when we observed that uncontained pool noodle being carried to the center of our village," states Commodore Perry, a mason who also serves as a televised attorney with a 1980s vibe.

Locals take cover after pool noodle is left on road

The noodle has sat there since it was first dropped Sunday afternoon. Witnesses say that the culprit carrying the noodle fled the scene after observing its failure to detonate. With Millcreek's bomb squad having no experience in disarming a pool noodle, the territory has been evacuated while authorities attempt to determine when it will be safe to remove the foam object.

It is hard to determine why the noodle has not exploded after 12 hours of sitting on the road. Officers have informed locals that an investigation has been handed to Millcreek's Department of Defense, who quickly dismissed the investigation as a waste of their time.

Consequently, officers have been forced to determine the reasons behind the noodle's deficiencies on their own. Only one theory has been proposed to experts, citing the fact that the noodle has no charge attached to it. This theory was quickly debunked after experts determined a charge would require explosive materials to make an explosion.

Why the noodle is still sitting stagnant remains a mystery. While officers believe it will be safe to approach after tomorrow, there is still the fear of getting too close at a time when the material is ready to detonate. Meanwhile, Millcreek is deciding what they will throw back at Erie. Victoria's Secret has no more lingerie or adult Pampers to launch. Stores are filled with possible alternatives that could send a strong message to Erie. According to township officials, they just want to make sure not to launch anything that could hit someone too hard.