Military Standoff Begins at the City of Butler

A standoff is taking place at Ritts Park, just north of Butler. Young, 9-year-old Timmy has successfully reached the north side of Butler County's capital of Butler and is laying siege to their city.

The attack began last night around 9 p.m. when Timmy unexpectedly surfaced on State Highway 8, in view of Butler's capital. Allegheny soldiers were reportedly surprised by the attack and began assembling defenses at the edge of the city.

Mayor Blunders of the Venango States of America is praising Timmy's decision to sneak out of his mother's house for the good of Venango County. He has also sent Laurel and Hardy, the other two-thirds of Venango's military, to assist Timmy. Unfortunately, this leaves Venango without anyone to defend against our neighboring enemies.

Mayor Dumbdumb of Titusville, capital of East Crawford, has not announced any plans of an attack on Venango County. So far, he has lost four soldiers to the potholes at the Cranberry Mall in the last two years. Should he choose to attack, this would be the opportune time to overtake Oil City.

Mayor Fossilfuel of Warren also has an opportunity to attack from the north with no resistance to his military. Armed with oil cans and portable refineries, the enemy would be unstoppable without anyone standing in their way.

For now, the standoff at Butler is what Mayor Blunders considers a priority for Venango. So long as Oil City gets back their rotary phone and carrier pigeon, Blunders says this objective is necessary for the good of the nation.

Meanwhile, experts state that Timmy's decision to sneak past the Butler border patrol may result in intercountial backlash. Now, an already rocky relationship with Butler may officially be ruined.