Mayor Steelhead Officially Bans Diapers as a Citywide Ordinance
The City of Pittsburgh is under a citywide diaper ban after several instances prove the substance to be fatal. According to sources, Pittsburgh residents are reporting close encounters with "psychotic attackers" attempting to throw them at people.
Diapers have been the subject of controversy for several weeks ever since Warren County attacked the industrial city of Tionesta by dropping diapers from drones.
The town has taken weeks to recover and says they are working to produce diaper technology to help their cause in the County War effort. Others however, are requesting a complete ban on the use of diapers in county warfare, calling it an inhumane military tactic.
"Diapers are a dangerous substance that every county government should be taking seriously." States Mayor Phil of Punxsutawney.
So far, the only mayor in the western Pennsylvania region to place such a ban on diapers is Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh, who is calling on all governments to do the same.
"I may have a body built like a tank," states Mayor Steelhead, "But even I know that this item is not safe for the public."
The fight to stop the diaper cartel will not be an easy one at that. Pittsburgh is the largest city in western Pennsylvania, making it the diaper capital of the world, and potentially even western Pennsylvania. Allegheny military are doing everything possible to crack down on the cartel with stores like Dollar General being suspected of distributing the most.
Meanwhile, the United Counties will be meeting once again to discuss the matter thoroughly. Mayor Dambuilder of Beaver County states that he is in full support of the efforts to ban diapers altogether.
"This is not a time to be divided." Dambuilder told the press. "Gangs are running rampantly using these horrible weapons in major cities across the vast region of Western Pennsylvania."
Diaper tosses have become a real concern, with people fearful about going out into public for fear they might get hit.
No data is available as of yet to determine if the ban will have any impact. Officials say the success of this ban depends entirely on the cooperation of residents. The message is clear. "Don't use diapers." Whether the public will resist the urge is another story.
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