Mayor Blunders Puts Pressure on Millcreek to Disassemble Mall

President Mayor Blunders of the Venango States of America is weighing in on the conflict between Millcreek and the City of Erie. After learning of the two townships going to war over the giant Mall Gun pointed in Erie's direction, Blunders has threatened to use his influence to force Millcreek to bend to his will.

Satalite view of Millcreek's giant Mall Gun pointed toward Erie

The only problem facing Blunders is that he has no influence. He is literally just the Mayor of Oil City. Despite appointing himself the President of Venango County and making the decision to secede from the United States, every other county in Western Pennsylvania still does not know he exists.

In spite of the reality surrounding Blunders' lack of authority, he is still convinced Venango County is the superpower of Western Pennsylvania. Late Friday evening, Blunders stood before the press outside of City Hall, which is the City Outhouse, threatening to put sanctions on Millcreek if they do not comply with his demands to disassemble the Mall Gun pointed in Erie's direction.

Mayor Blunders on the steps of City Hall

Mayor Wastecash was quick to ignore Blunders' demands, citing that he has never heard of Oil City before. When reporters attempted to follow up with a question about Wastecash's potential curiosity regarding this "Oil City," Wastecash left the room, stating he was "too busy for fictional discussions." This comment left the press confused because he literally is a made-up character.

Wastecash stuns the press with hypocritical statement about existence

Now, Blunders is resorting to a new method of intimidation. As an ally to the City of Erie, President Mayor Blunders has ordered military intervention to crush the Millcreek rebellion. Unfortunately, two-thirds of Venango's military was ordered to cross the border of Clearfield County into the nation of Uganda several weeks ago to help crush the Ebola Uprising.

Laurel and Hardy of the Venango County military last seen in Uganda

With Blunders down to one military member, he must decide if it is worth trying to convince the mother of 9-year-old Timmy to let her son go to Millcreek. The last time Timmy was sent on a mission, he spent several weeks lost in Allegheny National Forest, which resulted in his parents being sent to prison because of his tardiness from school.

9 year old Timmy taken home by his mother shortly after her release

Blunders has likely lost the trust of little Timmy's parents, leaving him with no military to threaten Millcreek. Blunders says he will try anyways.

Following Wastecash dismissing discussions about Venango County's intervention, Blunders told the press that he will be sending five thousand men armed with the highest-rated weaponry available. This, of course, is a blatant lie. Blunders has nobody and barely has enough change to buy breakfast in the morning. Millcreek will likely keep its Mall Gun assembled, while Blunders continues to live in his imagination of being a superpower.