Mayor Blunders Orders Drone Strike on Union City

Conflict has been escalating for weeks between Union City and the industrial city of Canadohta Lake. With both cities consisting of entirely different religions, tensions have grown over the century. Mayor Blunders states that it is "time for the Venango States of America to intervene." Blunders, who declared himself president of Venango County after electing to secede from the Union four months ago, still hasn't gotten the message that secession is only possible when you have a military with guns. Blunders insists that our military—consisting of three 80-year-old men—is the best force, using state-of-the-art spitball launchers.

The invasion of another county is an act unheard of in the history of mankind. Literally, no one has done something this stupid before. Nonetheless, Mayor Blunders of Oil City insists that this act against Union City is necessary to stop radical Methodists from performing acts of nuisance against the Baptists in Canadohta Lake.

According to sources, Mayor Blunders has ordered a nuclear strike against Union City. In all actuality, he just sent a guy with a remote-control plane to drop eggs on one of their roofs. The act is unlikely to stop the conflict between the two towns due to Blunders having a short supply of eggs and not enough gas money to send another plane operator. Consequently, Blunders may have to let this go.