Mayor Blunders Loses Election: City Outhouse Under Siege

The City Hall is under siege as we speak! Mayor Blunders, who rallied six supporters outside the Outhouse this morning, encouraged residents to protest his recent election loss. Mayor Blunder is convinced his opponent, Koala Bearis, stole the election.

The electoral college, that is to say Venango Campus, announced yesterday that Blunders lost in a 15 to 9 landslide. Blunders pointed to the fact that there are only 22 residents in Oil City and that the election results show 24 people who voted.

It is unclear how 2 extra votes wound up in the electoral college voting box. Experts at the Venango County Campus suggest that perhaps Russia tampered with the results. Venango Campus is owned by Clarion University. When asking the University president his thoughts on this idea, he stated "this is exactly why we don't talk about Venango Campus... We didn't know what we were getting into when we bought them, and we would appreciate it if you stopped reminding people they are associated with our University..."

Mayor Blunders speech was just minutes before a ruling that would declare Bearis Mayor of Oil City. Blunders encouraged supporters to march onto City Hall, which coincidentally, is also the City Outhouse. The Venango County House of Representatives Leader, who also is Blunders sister, was just about to declare Bearis as Mayor when a crowd of 6 people rushed into the Outhouse.

Local police fired 6 rounds of spitballs at the intruders before barricading themselves in the toilet with Blunders sister. The siege lasted 2 hours before protestors left.

Kuala Bearis will be inaugurated later this week giving Blunders only that much time to plead his case that the election was stolen. Blunders plans to appeal to the Venango County Supreme Court. This may be advantageous to Blunders since the only judge on the board is his mother.

If Kualo Bearis is inaugurated, she... Maybe he... We aren't quite sure... They, will be the first black native American transphobic transgender descended from Japanese Scottish immigrants who also descended from wolves to run for political office. Local Democrats believe diversity says a lot about how far we have come as a county, considering we have never had a black native American transphobic transgender descended from Japanese Scottish immigrants who also descended from wolves run for political office before.