Man Demands Refund After Finding Yoga Is Not Competitive

A man is threatening to sue the local yoga class which meets in the Oil City YMCA Tuesday mornings. According to sources, Jim Nasium, a local fitness buff who prides himself for looking like a walking tumor, complained that the yoga class he attended is "not competitive in any way."

The yoga instructor refused a refund stating that the competition is with the ability to control oneself. Nasium argues that he can control oneself as long as it involves doing something where he can outshine everyone else.

No lawsuits have been filed as of late. Nasium says that he wasn't sure what to think of the class at first. He initially thought he "won the game" the moment he performed downward dog. When no one declared him the victor, he thought he might have accidentally signed up for a cult. He just wasn't sure why the guru wore leggings and a pair of Nike's.

When it became clear that he was attending a gay pride social gathering, he left immediately. "I'm not going to judge those people for their preference" states Nasium "I just don't want to develop a lisp from too much exposure to the gene....."

The yoga instructor was incredibly insulted by the remarks made by Nasium. She did not even know where to start. "Do you even know anything about yoga? Or gay people for that matter? What makes you think yoga makes us gay or that exposure to gay people gives you a lisp?"

Nasium stepped back with both hands in the air to create distance. "Whoah whoah whaoh! I'm just looking out for myself.... My brother once did a plank and now has throw pillows in his house. Do you want me to wind up like him?"

The Venango Republic feels we have successfully stirred the pot. Stay tuned for more distasteful content...