Man Becomes Immortal After Taking Sip from the Sink

A man has reportedly experienced an unexpected genetic mutation after taking a sip from a church sink. According to sources, which we made up, Harkthe Harold of Franklin Pennsylvania, mutated into an unslayable superior being just moments after attempting to quench his thirst at the River of Life Church in Cochranton.

Witnesses say that Harold discovered his immunity to death when a child ran out of the nursery and nearly stabbed him with a pair of scissors after tripping on the rug. Harold's stomach remained unpunctured. After this, he had become a steel-walking beefcake.

Harold has since tested his newfound abilities in much riskier manners. Recently, Harold asked a friend to shoot a bullet into his heart to see if it would bounce off of his chest. To Harold's surprise, the BB didn't even puncture his shirt, suggesting that his immunity could influence the physical properties of items he touches.

Scientists are trying to determine what has given the River of Life Church sink properties of immortal serum. Lab results show that the liquidation flowing from the countertop is merely a plain form of liquid that can be best described as unfiltered water.

Congregation members at the River of Life Church state that they have drank from the sink for decades, with no genetic mutation resulting from partaking. Scientists believe that if there is any legitimacy to the superpowers Mr. Harold has discovered, then it must be associated with his body type and his DNA.

For Mr. Harold, the sudden realization that he will live forever is a bag of mixed feelings. On one hand, he's excited to know that he will never die and continue helping his fellow man in whatever way he is capable of doing. On the other hand, he is saddened that others cannot share in the gift that he's received from drinking from the sink. Harold knows that one day, everyone he knows will die off and he will continue living forever, regretting that he ever took a sip from the sink at the River of Life Church in Cochranton.