Local Students Gossip About Guys they "Kinda" Like

Two university students met inside Toby Hill’s today and immediately started gossiping about people they might like. The event began at about 4:30 PM and listeners were instantly made sick. According to sources, men sitting nearby had to put up with the constant gab of why certain candidates did not meet the girls criteria for a solid relationship.

“I couldn’t even enjoy my beer,” states the town drunk, who found himself struggling to get the beer barrel off his head. “It was bad enough that I was stuck in this barrel, but having those two ramble on about how ‘this guy’s hot but super annoying’ really annoyed me.”

Other attendees also expressed frustration over the constant talk about hotness. One man stated that his trips to the bar were a means to get away from similar conversations his wife has with other women at home.

“It just really lowers my self-esteem,” states Mr. Flab and Gasted. “I’m not the hunk I used to be. The constant reminders are making me want to eat chocolate.”

Toby’s has not stated what they will do to prevent this drama from spoiling happy hour. Some are suggesting a nice quiet room in the back of the building reserved for college drama. The main feature Toby’s has not agreed to is a trapdoor that instantly falls through when girls start talking about relationships.

Until Toby’s does something, visitors are warned that they may have to endure overhearing why guys like Jeremy are hot but not good enough. Experts recommend that people getting physically sick from this should chug their beers quicker.