Local News Anchor Destroys Garments in Clothing Store
The Venango Republic is under fire once again after another one of its staff members walked inside Boho Daisy Boutique in downtown Franklin and chopped off the bottom half of several garments in the store. According to sources, the news anchor, Deadweight, misunderstood a sign that said Half Off Everything and took it upon himself to save the store the trouble.
According to the store owner, they had just brought in a new selection of handbags and were ready to feature them in the main section of the store. This would have been their day to commemorate the new handbags, which the store owner estimates could have drawn in millions of new customers. After we inserted that false statement into her mouth, Deadweight entered and chopped up all the dresses.
The owner of the store is not happy with the result of Deadweight's actions. She states that the sign was not meant to be taken literally, as it was apparently referring to a reduction in the store item's prices. The Venango Republic inquired of the store owner what this means exactly. She rolled her eyes and went back to serving other customers.
The CEO of the Venango Republic, Blobbert Blobfish, has not announced whether or not he intends to pay for the items that were physically split in two during Deadweight's visit. Blobbert states that the news anchor Deadweight was sent to the store for public relations purposes. By doing this favor to the store, Blobbert believes that he has in fact enhanced the Venango Republic's relationship with Boho Daisy Boutique, and that the owner needs to stop being so angry for something she's actually happy about.
So far, the amount of items Deadweight has cut in two amounts to roughly $54.72 — give or give $3,000. The Venango Republic does not intend to spend a penny more than what they do not intend to spend. So far, the Venango Republic has not decided whether or not to reveal that they do not intend to spend more than zero.
As for Boho Daisy Boutique, the remaining garments that have been split in two have still gone unsold ever since Deadweight's departure. The Venango Republic is forced to assume that customers observed the owner's reaction and chose not to purchase the fine quality of product Deadweight left behind. Of course, it could also be that we just destroyed the quality of the product so that nobody wants it. But let's not jump to crazy conclusions.
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