Local Man Declares Himself Amish, Citing His Frequent Shopping at Tractor Supply as a Reason

A local man is making headlines after declaring himself Amish by blood. According to sources, the man is not a descendant of any Amish community, raising controversy among locals with awkwardly long beards. The man, however, argues that his frequent shopping at Tractor Supply gives him just cause for declaring himself a naturally bred Amish man.

According to sources, Mr. Yen Wing Wong states that he chooses to remain anonymous at this time so as to protect him from potential defamation among Amish social media. So far, no threats have occurred toward Mr. Wong. He did, however, have a close call with an Amish buggy when crossing the street outside of Leonardo’s Pizza earlier today.

Mr. Wong outside Tractor Supply

Doctors state that the horse will be okay, as it has only suffered a fractured neck. Nonetheless, Amish pastors and community leaders are adamant that Mr. Wong must stop suggesting that people from their communities shop at Tractor Supply. They even insist that driving anything above 1 horsepower goes against their own religious views.

Wong insists that he will not recant his suggestion of being Amish by blood. Earlier today, he drove all the way to Lancaster just to buy a buttonless button-up shirt to fit in as much as possible. Unfortunately, his job will not recognize his sudden religious perspective, since the grease pan at China City has the potential to melt the buttons into the lo mein.

The controversy surrounding Mr. Wong’s sudden stance on religion will likely create a stir among several residents in the local community. It is not clear if Mr. Wong will ever be accepted. Nonetheless, he plans to grow his beard proudly, wear his suit boldly, and also carry his samurai in case anyone has any objections.