Local Ice Boom Stands Trial for Abandoning Friends

You know him as Bob, the ice boom, tasked with keeping the waters of the Allegheny safe from overflow. Roughly four weeks ago, the flotation device chose to abandon his post by flowing down the river, away from his fellow ice boomers. Little did he expect that while sleeping on the embankment at the edge of the river, reporters would cite him, taking pictures to be shared everywhere online.

Picture that surfaced showing Bob sleeping next to Route 8 outside of Oil City.

Today, Bob stood trial for what many believed to be the cause of the ice suddenly giving way and flowing controllably down the river. With several minor floods along the Allegheny reported to have brought damages that western Pennsylvania has not seen since last year, Bob is now facing potential felony charges.

Introducing our famous ice boon to the court is the notorious Jake Horking Kake, who generally loses every single case. With no attorney in the region willing to represent an inanimate object, Horking Kake decided to take the responsibility because no one wants him to represent them either.

AI wouldn't let them face the judge.... Just pretend this is how they sit in court....

In the magisterial court of Judge Beagle, the two rejects pled their case, suggesting that the oversized ice boom deserves reparations for what they called "unjustified enslavement" in the Allegheny River. According to Horking Kake, being restricted to the task of keeping ice from building up is a violation of Bob the ice boom's rights as a citizen of Venango County.

The prosecution showed no mercy in their attempt to paint Bob the ice boom as an enemy of society. Attorney Bilbo Vaseline Beggins argued that the flotation device's motives were obviously more ill-focused than to simply be free from his task. Vaseline Beggins argued that the timing of his escape along with the ice suggests the chaos was his end goal.

Vaseline Beggins watches in horror as Horking Kake applies his product type

Horking Kake retaliated before Judge Beagle, stating that the ice breakage was the only opportunity that the enslaved ice boom could make an escape without being judged. Unfortunately, surfacing on land at the most inopportune time has brought him wide defamation that Horking Kake suggests is unfair.

Judge Beagle heard both opposing arguments, but refused to make a ruling because court systems have to work slowly. A trial has been scheduled for next week, where the representatives can gather to decide how they can extend this matter for another six months. If parties fail to produce a good enough reason to extend proceedings for the next six months, Beagle will consider it a reason for a follow-up meeting to discuss how to extend the matter for another six months. This will continue until either they decide on a six-month plan, or until the six months has finally passed.