Local Criminals Learn the Importance of Wearing Fat Suits and Utilizing Voice-Changing Technology

In the aftermath of a robbery at Scrappy Joe's on Seneca Hill, two criminals have learned that body shapes are recognizable to the general public. According to sources, two men were easily recognized by some person eating Cheetos on their couch because they didn't wear fat suits to conceal their outer shape.

“I recognized that bicep the minute the man flexed it slightly,” states Janice Flextone. “At first I wasn't sure until his arm moved slightly into the flexing position. That's when I realized it was him.”

The bicep lead instantly led police to the whereabouts of the first suspect. The suspect, whose name we will keep confidential, even though they're technically criminals, had an arm with the exact dimensions as described by the woman. Unfortunately, the bicep lead was not enough to convict him of his crimes, forcing the police to seek out another lead.

“I was able to provide another lead,” states Janice Flextone. How convenient.

Apparently, the woman who we named Janice, even though she has a totally different name, states that she was also able to recognize the voice of one of the criminals. Police have listened to the voice of the alleged criminal, and apparently it matches. Yay for technology!

Police were able to press charges against the man based upon the voice comparison. Though the man initially denied it was his voice, he could not stay modest after police started asking for his autograph due to the rich quality of his golden throat oratory. Flattered by the praise, the criminal admitted it was him in the video, and police were able to immediately arrest him on the spot.

Going forward, both criminals state that they will be sure to use fat suits and utilize the convenience of voice-changing technology. Additionally, they will continue to be sure to continue using masks to help stop the spread of COVID, which technically became less of a problem after 2021.