Local Cows Laid Off From Milk Production Due to Rising Beef Demands

You read that correctly. The need for beef is so high that cows are now having to seek employment at the slaughterhouse. This came after the constant push for plant based burgers in Venango County drove the residents to protest the vegan ideology.

According to sources, Bill Gates has been trying to push for isolated regions to accept plant based burgers as an alternative to real meat. Gates says he believes that this is an ethical choice and perfect alternative to killing innocent cows. The reality is that he has money invested in the industry and just wants to push his product.

Venango County residents are not having it. After a protest outside of the Oil City Center Hall, which is also the City Outhouse, politicians have appealed to the local dairies to stop pushing so much milk product. Cows are now forced to change employment to the less desirable meat market.

"I am really disapointed in this sudden need to change employment" stated one cow, who did not actually say this because cows cannot talk "I was making a good living off of producing milk and now I have to settle for a job that is a sure dead end." We intended that pun....

The local cow population is trying to organize itself to protest against the protestors. Unfortunately, their hooves cannot feasibly hold up signs at their rallies due to the lack of thumbs in their gene code. This makes the reality of more beef inevitable.

As for the cows who are unable to successfully organize, they have been permitted one vacation day to spend with their families prior to starting their new employment. It is believed they will use this time to reflect on the good old days of dairy dominance.

The age of beef is upon us and the age of got milk commercials is long past. Time to embrace the future of cow resources and put these plant based burgers to rest.