Local Church Selling Christmas Wreaths Wider Than Your Doorframe
Before we begin, we would like to inform the owners of St. Stephen's Church in Oil City that your groundskeeper forgot to weed the roof.
St. Stephen's Church in Oil City is having a rummage sale, with prices so low, we can barely hold it together. Stop on by and get deals so good that even your local unstable structure of a church cannot compete.
Purchase this decades-old baby crib for infants who know better than to roll off the side.
Purchase this picture of a white Jesus graciously performing a Jedi mind trick. The Son of God is priceless, but this picture is five bucks.
Own your very own Catholic karaoke machine, which probably was used to make announcements during potlucks—potlucks that likely weren't performed during Lent.
Buy your own set of Catholic cutlery, used for whatever it is that Catholics like to cut.
Become the owner of a box full of candles, with portions as big as the congregation that would have been before Quaker State up and left.
Get a kickstart to your very own Catholic casino with a box full of Catholic bingo cards. The box features a display piece that wasn't even close to winning big. That's okay, because the winners probably only got a little wine cup with bread on the side.
What makes this coffee table unique is that it features a cushion to rest your knees while you're doing your daily devotionals. This table probably serves a different purpose, but we're not Catholic. So we're giving it our best guess.
We don't know what these were for, but they're next to a set of ropes that also serve a purpose we don't know.
Want to eat like a Catholic? St. Stephen's features a set of Catholic utensils. Similar to regular utensils, these ones are the kinds Catholics use.
We don't know what these are intended for. But you probably don't need them.
Wow, Catholics have a lot of dates to keep track of. We're not even sure how you read this calendar.
One of the best features of these wreaths when bought as a set is that they can act as their own makeshift kiddie pool. With the use of a tarp and a little bit of water, your child can have an outdoor swimming experience that otherwise would cost you so much more. If your infant tends to wander off, you can also consider using it as a barrier. You don't have to worry about them crawling over it because the bristles are incredibly uncomfortable.
What in the world was this church selling for $811? That's like the yearly income of every resident in Western Pennsylvania.
This cross sells for $50 and excludes the crucifix. Perfect for any of you who sided with Luther.
After thorough research, we learned that Jesus once cursed a tree to death which, out of season, failed to produce fruit. We cannot guarantee this claim, but it seems that that tree from 2,000 years ago made it all the way to the basement of this church in Oil City.
Children, this is what televisions looked like in 1980. If you go to a church in western Pennsylvania, they still haven't upgraded to widescreen.
Oh, would you look at that, it seems like they have upgraded. High definition too. Yet for some reason, they still kept their sound system from the 1980s.
Finally, for $30, you can own this dated portrait of The Last Supper.
Although it is not an original and is likely decades old, it's far better than paying the upward price of one penny less for a new copy on Amazon.
Stop by the rummage sale today! All items must go, whether by sale or by the structure imploding on itself. Hurry! We can't guarantee our savior won't return with a whip and the intent to turn tables! For all we know, not one stone will be left unturned.
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