Llama's Death by Loogie Sparks Widespread Protests in Erie
- Jeremy Jetfuel
- Jul 8
- 3 min read
Thousands of protesters, representing the llama community, gathered in the streets of Erie yesterday to protest the horrific death of Llamar Llamley. Llamley, who was struck in the neck by an officer's phlegm Monday afternoon, was attempting to protest the Millcreek Gun pointed toward his home City when Millcreek Bomb Squad Specialists spat in his direction.
The event took place outside the JCPenney entrance of the Millcreek Mall as members of the Millcreek Bomb Squad were attempting to disarm a day-old pool noodle. Llamley has been accused by Millcreek of firing llama phlegm at the Bomb Squad members while acting as an agent of the Erie Government. Despite pictures showing no phlegm fired from Llamley's mouth, officers discharged their spittle, striking Llamley in the neck before he fell to the pavement. He instantly died of COVID.
Llamley's family, along with the City of Erie, have denied the allegations proposed by Millcreek. Shortly after the victim's identity was released to the public, protests filled the streets of Erie, calling for justice to be served.
Protesters were peaceful at the beginning with several of them gathered before the stage in Perry Square for what organizers called the "No Fling Protest." The title was fitting to help discourage spitting at llamas while encouraging young people to keep their virginity.
Once attendees realized their signs said "No Flames", signs were corrected to say "No Flings" to match the event name.
Before the Erie County Courthouse, other llamas raised their voices beneath a banner honoring the late Llamley.
Other sections of town were not so peaceful in the call for justice. Just a few blocks away, authorities were called to help rectify tensions growing between llamas and business owners on Peach Street next to the Avalon Hotel.
Several of the llamas were put off by the presence of law enforcement and began retaliating in ways that came natural to them.
Authorities eventually had enough and took it upon themselves to enforce the laws of the city.
It was at this moment, it occurred to the llamas and authorities that Llamley died at the hands of the Millcreek Bomb Squad, who the City of Erie has been in conflict with due to the Mall Pistol being pointed in their direction. When each side realized that protesting Erie for Millcreek's deed makes no sense, authorities went home, and the llamas quit retaliations. Instead, they held memorial ceremonies on street corners to honor their friend.
Other llama's still craved justice. At 2 PM, many crossed the border into Millcreek to form new protests directed at the right township.
Once again, by the thousands, they took to the streets, repeating the same cycle that had escalated in Erie.
The few llamas that protested peacefully gathered in lesser numbers around regions where llamas are not normally welcome.
These llamas were instantly eaten within minutes of arriving, an outcome which should have been predictable given that the entire population of Millcreek is made up of coyotes.
Tuesday's protests accomplished absolutely nothing. Llamley is now a stuffed trophy, and the llamas of Erie are still not welcome in the Millcreek community. Meanwhile, Erie and Millcreek are still firing diapers and pool noodles at each other with no end to the conflict in sight.
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