Jefferson County Military Successfully Reaches Venango County Troops at the Border of East Crawford

In the week leading up to this point, Venango County has been compromised by two East Crawford troops. The enemy laying seige to Oil City’s northside surpassed the Venango County military checkpoint when border patrol was sleeping. Venango's capital of Oil City lost communication when the carrier pigeon was cooked for breakfast.

Mayor Blunders of Oil City called for the aid of the Pennsylvania Land and Treaty Organization, who sent troops from West Crawford, Clarion, and Jefferson County. In that time, the biggest question haunting locals is whether or not the Venango County military men would wake up and discover their roller skates missing.

Several things prevented Oil City from sending word to the Venango County front lines. For one, access toRoute 8 has beenblocked by the siege. Attempts to push through have been met with spitballs and a new weaponry Titusville refers to as snowballs.

An alternative route would involve going the long way through Forest County by way of Pleasantville. This however, requires entering into East Crawford through their capital city of Titusville.

It seemed hopeless for Venango County until the least expected member of PLATO chimed in. Mayor Phil of Punxsutawney, capital of Jefferson County, sent word to Mayor Blunders that help was on the way. His plan? An elite task force of groundhogs who specialized in burrowing under the ground. This branch of military, known as Tunnel Hogs, were tasked with digging beneath Venango County's fragile soil to bypass East Crawford's lines. Later, the troops would resurface outside of Titusville to establish contact.

We have just received word via carrier pigeon that the Jefferson County military surfaced on Dewey Road just off of Route 8 to discover Venango County's military personnel comfortably resting in their sleeping bags. The two military men state that they did not notice their roller skates were missing, primarily because they thought they had pawned them off prior to leaving Oil City.

Official radar view of Dewey Rd

The Venango soldiers are making haste to Oil City's north side as fast as their feet can carry them.

Although it would be more efficient to tunnel beneath the ground with Jefferson County's military, Oliver Hardy can't fit in the hole, and Stan Laurel refuses to leave his lifelong friend's side. Consequently, they have decided to travel back by way of Route 8, where they will meet the East Crawford military head-on, in the hopes of not chickening out.