Jake Horking Kake Petitions Court for “Feline Continuity”

Venango County's most idiotic attorney is pushing for the local courts to enforce monthly payments on "feline assistance." According to sources, Jake Horking Kake is representing 20 women in seperate cases where the ex wives got to keep the cats.

"It is not fair for women who were afforded full cat custody to not recieve some compensation" states Horking Kake, who at the time of this interview was horking a cheeseburger. "It is only reasonable that if a woman is paying 50 dollars a month on food and litter for these cats, the man should at least be expected to pay one thousand out of his paycheck."

Horking Kake is known for radical interpretations of law. Last month, he sued a man for what he called "intentionally ghosting a houseplant" because the man watered it an hour later than usual. The judge immediately dismissed the case. Not because of the allegations. Because Horking Kakes name was on the file.

It is uncertain at this point if Horking Kake will successfully win any of these cases. But considering the Pennsylvania Supreme Court thinks that $900 a month is “reasonable” to raise a child who eats Pop-Tarts and wears the same hoodie all year, feline condo support doesn’t seem that far-fetched.