Heavenly Harmonies Watched Over by Hellish Decor

Two Oil City legends were spooked Thursday evening when an unidentified gargoyle overshadowed their performance at Billy's restaurant. According to sources, a vocal group whose name resembles a "Lobstersapling" were set to perform three hours of angelic music when an anonymous stone creature appeared to the upper right corner of the stage.

“He just sat there and did nothing,” states Thor and Hurting, a bruised resident constantly getting stoned.

Several of the audience members sat with mixed emotions over what they observed on stage. Listening to the singers brought feelings of comfort and joy while the reality of a gargoyle staring at them instilled fear in their hearts—the same feeling one gets when they love their wife but realize her cooking is hit or miss... It happens!

"It was a mix of awe and disgust," states Marry Xmas. "I was comforted as the two White-ney Houstons of Oil City presented their acoustic renditions of Living on a Prayer, Heaven is a Place on Earth, and Highway to Hell. But that demonic monster in the corner was so unsettling!"

The mystery of the gargoyle puzzled everyone. But the duo on stage remained confident and undeterred by what was happening to the left of them.

Because we don’t use real names on our website, we will have to refer to the singers with aliases assigned with Google’s definitions of their real names.

According to Shortnose Lobsterbush and Treeland Lobsterbush, he wasn’t the worst audience member they ever dealt with. Last week, a frog breeder covered in warts was so impressed by their performance, they had the nerve to walk on stage and offer to shake their hands. The nerve!

We could have called her courteous, but we're pricks.

We could have called her lincolnmarsh, a swamp bearing Lincolns name, but we couldn't take it that far. We aren’t pricks you know!

Despite the ease of both performers, many are skeptical of the gargoyle’s intentions. Some believe that it is deceitful, speculating that it isn’t actually made out of stone at all. One member believes that its fierce look is just a “false portrayal of strength” and that “the foam will not withstand the kitchen oven.”

As for the Lobsterbush sisters, they feel the gargoyle is only present to eat children, and something the adults have no reason to fear. In their opinion, it will be gone after Halloween and poses less concern than the Pennywise lookalike in the back.

It probably has nothing to do with the recent disappearances...

In the meantime, people are encouraged to buckle down and prepare in case this gargoyle has been sent to spy out the land. The gargoyle itself has not commented on his intentions because he cannot move or talk. Consequently, experts believe his lifeless nature suggests we cannot take any chances.