Fresh Cut Leaves Bald Heads at Odds With the Circumcised

Three unrelated communities are now feeling personally attacked after a sign and a series of Facebook posts caused their worlds to collide. A billboard displaying a red mark over the part of a man that produces controversial life decisions seems to target people who get shot between the legs. This, however, is not the target audience. When using the talent of reading, observers quickly discover that it is actually speaking to those who clipped their junk.

Meanwhile, the Flagship is focused on you....

This protest against the removal of disposable tissue has caused many to feel incredibly awkward when driving to Presque Isle. Not for the fear that a sea wolf may bite theirs off, but simply because it is a stupid movement. Nonetheless, one individual could not help but speak up for the circumcised who feel attacked by their parents' life-changing decision.

"I am bald, and feel bad that someone would shame people for clipping away something they have a right to remove," states Mr. Clean of Erie, Pennsylvania. "I just know what it is like to be judged for removing my hair, so I wanted to speak up for people who buzzed off that other spot."

Speaking out came with several arguments unrelated to the sign. In his Facebook post against the billboard, Mr. Clean suggested that those responsible for making the sign are trying to link circumcision with autism.

"Erie was so welcoming. They even had a bloodstained crotch sign condemning circumcision!"

Yeah..... The sign doesn't say anything about autism..... But ok....

We here at the Venango Republic wanted to see if there was something to this concern about Bloodstained Men linking circumcision to autism. After visiting the website for Bloodstained Men, we learned that their nonprofit is actually just a billboard....

They mention billboards three times and have two information pages about billboards

Who the hell advertises billboards on their website? I thought your business was circumcised men. No information on how cutting the foreskin impacts people? You know the billboard is supposed to be an advertisement, right? You are basically advertising the advertisement when you include your billboard in the header.

"For more information about this billboard, please visit our website, where we can casually direct you back to this billboard."

With no information to draw from Erie's chapter of the Bloodstained Men movement, other than their pride in renting billboards, we can safely say that autism has not been made a subject. Instead, they are bragging about billboards.

Meanwhile, the autistic community is feeling attacked by the fact that a bald man would suggest they are circumcised.

"Rainman mad at Mr. Clean. Rainman very mad," Rainman expressed as he organized the toothpicks on the floor.

Other autistic residents of Erie were not so offended due to their shared baldness.

"We does not wants to talk about it," Smeagle told reporters as he moved to the corner to gawk over his ring.

With circumcised men and autistic individuals now on the receiving end of scrutiny, only one group remains. In response to the initial post made to complain about the sign, another Facebook user has countered with their own form of slander.

Great! Now the bald community can feel attacked too. Everyone feels insulted. Even the guy telling people not to discriminate is discriminating. We are all pricks and can take pride in this common divisive trait.

As for the science, we still don't know why a cut that heals in ten days causes more lifelong trauma than when a girl at school kicks you in the same spot. Apparently, it warrants starting a nonprofit that purchases billboards and brags about having them. Now, they at least have billboards to prove why it's worth risking infection to keep your foreskin.