Franklin Council Says New Vape Shop Regulations Will Benefit the Community
Let's face it! Franklin has become a dumping ground for water fumes generated by electrical shock. Thankfully, air quality is about to become less electrically vaporized after City Council approved an ordinance to keep incoming businesses outside of their bubble. According to sources, a new thousand foot rule is being implemented, requiring new vape shops to stay a thousand feet away from everyone who thinks they are better for not smoking.
"We were initially going to apply this to electronic devices emitting vaporized water with juicy flavors." States Mrs. Smokebomb. "Unfortunately, a Vicks VapoRub salesman had to change plans on where he is opening his business because his name matches the criteria."
Public opinion is divided between vape enthusiasts and those who never smelled it being exhaled from a friend.
"I am a reformed smoker turned vape." Says the reformed smoker turned vape. "I live next to Franklin Elementary and now am expected to walk that distance. My lungs aren't what they were before getting addicted two years ago!"
Weak lung people are protesting to the best of their ability, holding up signs with as much strength as their compromised immune systems can handle. While many are genuinely fearful of being chased away due to their scorched windpipes, they feel strongly that the injustice of these ordinances deserve being challenged.
"Just because our breath is half the efficiency of a fish does not mean we won't triumph!" States the president of the Pro Smoke and Vape Society. "Huff... wheeze... huff...."
After helping the president of the Pro Smoke and Vape Society into his chair, we jogged efficiently across town to hear from the president of Anti Smokers and Vapers.
"One second while I put down this 5 ton dumbbell...." He stated while running full speed on his treadmill. "That's better... Now, would anyone like a six pack from my six pack?" His muscles were so defined, he could literally carry a beer case in each one.
We did not bother to ask the president anything since he clearly has the physical superiority in the debate.
The war between vape enthusiasts and anti vape people will likely result in minor conflicts in the coming weeks.
With tensions rising, and instantly slowing down to catch a breath, it is unclear how long the cycle will continue. Experts believe that while the drained energy offers hope, the nicotine will make coming back irresistible.
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