Four Allegheny Soldiers Wounded in Spitball Fire Tradeoff

A spitball fight between the Venango military and Allegheny soldiers has left four men wounded on the enemy side. According to sources, a barrage of spitballs rained down on the Allegheny military at 5 p.m. Monday, forcing several of them to seek shelter.

Each wound is reportedly curable, as the enemy soldiers have only noted rust marks on their faces. One soldier comments that although they are made entirely of steel, a continual barrage of spitballs could cause them to move less stealthily, as it could cause their joints to squeak in the process.

Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh has reached out to the City of Warren, requesting that oil cans be sent to his soldiers immediately, with the exchange of steel beams. Fossilfuel, who is in conflict with Venango County for their attempt to siphon Warren's oil, states that he will gladly send whatever is necessary to help soldiers fighting the Venango cause.

Venango County's youngest military member, nine-year-old Timmy, has already driven the Allegheny military to the center of the city and is progressing his way south in an attempt to regain Venango's telecommunication device. Mayor Blunders of Oil City states that getting back Venango's rotary phone and carrier pigeon is a top priority if the county is to successfully rename the Allegheny River to the Gulf of Venango.

The fight has just begun. The Venango military is only at a third of their strength on the front lines. However, Blunders' decision to send Laurel and Hardy to the crisis is leaving Venango unprotected. For the time being, our northern borders are unwatched, with East Crawford and Warren having the potential to invade. With the absence of our military, there are questions as to whether or not the cause is worth the sacrifice.