Explore Clarion Boasts About Cow with No Udders
It's not just any sculpture. It is a cow that has withstood the test of time. Not that much time and not that many tests considering it just sits in a field and gets rained on a few times a year. Nevertheless, this figure has been Sligo's biggest claim to fame drawing a whopping nobody every year. How significant is this cow you ask? Oh.... You didn't ask because it isn't that interesting? That's ok because we're going to tell you anyways because Explore Clarion thought it was worth your time.
There's actually nothing significant about this cow. It just sits in a field and does absolutley nothing. In fact, the only reason an article was written about it in the first place is because Clarion had nothing big going on this week to talk about. Why in world would you invest your energy in an article about fourth of July weekend when you can write about a cow?
What is most notable about this cow is that it has an udder but no nipples because somebody cut them off. We know this because one of our staff members grandmothers told us so. Just look closely and you'll notice the cow boob with no sqeezy hoses to milk the darn thing.
In addition to its mastectomy, the cow features some leaves around it's neck that never seem to blossom. This begs the question as to why we named this creature "Blossom" in the first place.
According to Explore Clarion, no one seems to know who keeps up with the cow. The structure was built in the 70s to promote a business and remains standing despite the business not existing anymore. However, Explore Clarion paints the upkeep as some kind of unsolved mystery.
What? Is it not the property owner? Did the guy who owns the land tell you the lawn mows itself? "We have no idea who keeps up with the cow. All we know is that the grass stays cut, the cow stays fed, and the udders stay trimmed. We thought about asking the random guy who shows up to mow our lawn without permission. We expect he could tell us if he has seen anyone taking care of the cow. Unfortunately, we have been too busy to approach him the last 50 years."
Despite the cow not having much appeal to draw people outside of the county, Explore Clarion seems to think that people driving by are somehow reminded of the significance of dairy life.
"All these kids nowadays glued to their phones. When I was a kid, we had dairies to keep us entertained. Time's were so much simpler then. You kids don't know what it was like back when we had dairies. You come from a time where we get milk from the store. Where do you think that comes from? Certainly not from a building housing cows."
Could Explore Clarion afford to commend this cow with just an article about it's existence? Obviously not! This is the biggest thing Sligo has going for it. It deserves so much more media attention. We need to post drone footage to Clarion's major news Facebook page to make this seem like a Manhattan skyling.
And there you have it! The glorious pride of the industrial city of Sligo. A cow made of fiberglass which cannot udder a word because they have been trimmed above the curcumcision point. Interestingly enough, we are praising this cow yet have not bothered to ask it's backstory. Fortunately, we here at the Venango Republic have gathered sources to explain what lifestyle this cow lived before coming to Sligo. Viewer discretion is advised.....
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