Erie States It Has Enough Firewood for the Winter

The city of Erie announced that it has enough firewood for the rest of winter. As of September 2nd, Mayor Paranoia states that an instant modification to the vegetation of the region has allowed the city to have burnable tinder before the cold months begin.

“I spent much of that evening hiding under my mattress,” states Mayor Paranoia, President of Erie County. “When I woke Thursday morning, it was brought to my attention that several downed trees were conveniently placed for the residents on the west side to begin collecting resources for their fireplace.”

Residents are encouraged to begin collecting firewood as soon as they can. Additionally, those who, for some odd reason, have damage to their roofs have also been encouraged to fix them, as the firewood will not be enough to keep their houses warm with openings in the structure.