Erie Parking Authority Says Space Shuttle Hangar Will Be Repaired: Future Use Unclear

The secret space shuttle hangar on the East 10th Street parking garage was unexpectedly revealed to the public when the entry point became stuck in mid-December. Consequently, the city of Erie has worked hard to prevent people from flying their spaceships into the entryway of the hangar.

The Erie City Parking Authority has informed the public several times that the space hangar was privately rented out to the Erie Space Authority for the sake of using its vehicles for emergency purposes. Since the secret has gotten out that the hangar exists, pilots have requested permission to land inside the hangar, going so far as to defy communications that prohibit the action.

“I feel like we just need to seal it up and treat it like a wall,” states Luke Skywalker of Erie, Pennsylvania. “This is just like Beggars Canyon back home.”

Captain Kirk, founder and CEO of the privately owned emergency service, also weighed in on the issue, stating that prior to this incident, he was utilizing the hangar to house his multi-billion-dollar space probe. Now, he has to settle for an Enterprise rent-a-car.

“I haven’t been able to fit my ship inside the hangar because of all these Erie residents that trespass on the private property I’ve rented,” states Captain Kirk. “Last week, I had to call the police on Darth Vader. Only he could be so bold.”

The housing and parking crisis of Erie, Pennsylvania makes the trespass understandable. Nonetheless, it is private property, making the violation unjustified for space travelers. Authorities have warned that anybody parking their spaceship inside the hangar will be tried and dipped into any section of Lake Erie populated with E. coli.

As for the hangar, until it can be determined what course of action will be taken, a tiny strip of wire has been placed outside to zap any ships that attempt to enter. The wire itself is not holding up the door, like it may seem. The door is just stuck. However, any spaceship that comes into contact with the wire will be immediately disintegrated and sent to hell.