Erie: Attempt to Destroy Millcreek Gun Foiled After Saboteurs Strike Restaurant by Mistake

A major blunder on the part of Erie intelligence has resulted in the Millcreek Mall still functioning with firing capabilities. This came after saboteurs accidentally mistook a nearby restaurant as their primary target, unloading mass amounts of sponge candy on a location nobody visited enough.

The building has been deemed uninhabitable at this time. Not because of the sponge candy, but because they are permanently closed.

Erie intelligence has not commented on whether they are aware of the mistake. Despite several calls, Mayor Paranoia of Erie seems to still be hiding under his covers. The conflict, which began more than a week ago, still has no clear rhyme or reason to justify the exchange of fire between the cities.

Last week, a diaper barrage nearly leveled an entire building that was leaning slightly too far to the right. The first diaper to hit the building caused it to stand straight before a second incoming diaper caused it to lean too far to its left. There were 50 reported cases of seasickness.

Intercounty powers are weighing in on the matter, but are struggling to have any political influence to force a treaty between the neighboring towns. Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh has threatened to stop trading steel to Erie if the conflict is not resolved in a day. Because Erie has not traded for steel for several decades, the threat meant nothing.

Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh makes a point

President Mayor Blunders of the Venango States of America is making an even greater proposition that would involve crossing intercounty lines. In a press briefing today outside Venango's capital building, Blunders said that he will drop more than a thousand boots on the ground to force the townships to settle their differences.

This threat meant nothing as well. When asked about the boots, Blunders struggled to answer where he will get them considering Oil City cannot even afford a pair of socks.

Blunders also folded when asked about dropping boots near Lake Erie. Even if Venango County could find a way to purchase five pairs, Venango's self-declared president cannot explain how dropping footwear on the ground would make a difference in this war. Blunders simply covered his ears and shouted, "lalalalalalalalalalalala," as he walked away from the press.

Mayor Blunders going "lalalalalalalalalalalala"

Millcreek's President, Mayor Wastecash, says he has no worries about outside powers sticking their noses into the conflict. With Millcreek possessing the biggest gun in the Fictional Universe, Wastecash believes nobody will be bold enough to stand in his way.

So far, 231 diapers have struck Erie. Five reported fictional deaths caused by unrelated circumstances have been noted to increase the tension of the storyline. Soldiers have not been deployed by either side because they don't have any. We will keep you informed as events unfold.