Elk County Threatens to Lower Temperatures to Sub Zero if Western PA Counties Fail to Meet Demands

Political tensions have reached a new level of concern for the United Counties of Western Pennsylvania. President Mayor Big Horn of Elk County has just threatened to extend winter while lowering the temperature to sub zero if the United Counties fail to comply with his list of demands.

The news broke just days after Elk County military overthrew the capital of Jefferson County. Laying siege to Punxsutawney handed the rights to Groundhog Day over to the Elks. Now, the rest of Western Pennsylvania is at their mercy.

So far, the only counties that are not complaining are Indiana, Warren, East Crawford, and Erie. Although Erie is not in alliance with the other counties, they say they are prepared for the cold since they are basically Pennsylvania's Canada.

Other counties state that they are deeply concerned for the welfare of their citizens. Mayor Dambuilder, president of Beaver County, says that an extended winter would pose great dangers to the homeless living in the Ohio River.

Beaver County citizen

Mayor Phil of Punxsutawney is currently safe in the Clarion region. Although plans to take Jefferson County back are in the early stages, Western Pennsylvania may have justification to support the cause given that an extended winter acts as an intercountial threat.

"We must come together in this season to combat the extending of the season," Mayor Steelhead told the press today.

Allegheny County is prepared to place sanctions on Elk County if they extend the winter season beyond its original end date. Although these sanctions are likely ineffective due to the lack of trade between the two counties, it still sounds like a major threat.

For the time being, Western Pennsylvania residents are encouraged to keep their winter belongings unpacked for the possibility of brutal months ahead. Until we know for certain if Elk County is serious, it is best not to be caught wearing jorts in 5 feet of snow.