Dumb Visitor Loses Car in Erie

A visitor to Erie's annual Celebrate Erie festival, managed to lose his car due to a simple oversight of NOT noting which street he left it on. This came after personal stupidity drove him to ignore corner street signs that were clearly visible when he walked right by.

According to sources, the man who lost his vehicle has been identified as the creator of the Venango Republic. After arriving at approximately 12:42 p.m. on Saturday, he exited his car just beyond the corner of 4th and French, before walking to the nearest detour that would inevitably go unremembered.

“I know I should have taken note that my vehicle was on 4th Street, just beyond where French crosses over,” states the dunce of the weekend. “However, I felt that it would be best for me to walk an illogical distance, make a right turn, and not take note of anything until I reached the corner of 6th and Holland Street.”

The strategy seemed to work in a universe where idiocy equals intelligence. Although our creator's attempt to find the vehicle only covered areas where he did not park it, police were at least able to use the information to determine where the vehicle was not.

The search for every spot the car wasn't continued for roughly two hours before our creator had the brilliant idea to look at his Google GPS tracking history. At this point, the car had already been reported to the police as missing. The first officer on scene was so concerned for the welfare of the driver, he first asked if our creator was drunk. We're not kidding. He actually asked our creator if he had was drunk.

When the cop was able to determine that the author behind our satire was merely lacking common sense, he generously placed him in the back of the police vehicle. The temporary custody lasted as long as it took the officer to drive our maker to the corner of 4th and French.

Though reluctant to let our maker drive home, for fear that he had also lost his mind, the policeman took a chance when he noted that our satirical author could at least open a door knob. He let the car loser go.

Researchers at Gannon University have assessed blood samples of the person responsible for losing their own vehicle. They have confirmed that he was homeschooled and is not a resident of Erie.