Crumbling Church Shuts Down State Street. Here's How to Detour Through Town.
Everyone knows how vital State Street is during rush hour for the highly successful businessmen that make Oil City a thriving metropolis. Unfortunately, the crumbling Catholic church, known as the only building to feature trees growing out of its roof, now poses a danger to the vehicles below. Hence, why authorities have shut down State Street, creating a major inconvenience.
The situation is so severe that the left-turning lane on Front Street and the straight lane on Veterans Memorial Bridge have been blocked off with impenetrable barriers.
This leaves drivers no choice but to move westward down Front Street, into the unknown mysteries that lie beyond them.
With the use of satellite imagery and modern cellular photographic technology, our expert journalists have been able to map out a route to help travelers detour with the quickest possible route, providing safe passage to Giant Eagle and the Seneca beyond.
As jarring as it may be to consider traveling through the highly populated south side of Oil City, travelers will find the most success moving westward down Front Street. We understand that the name of this passage instills fear in the hearts of our readers, given that the word "front" often applies to a sketchy location. For instance, if police intend on using a location as a front, they will refer to it as a "front."
We here at the Venango Republic would like to assure our readers that the drive down Front Street is only a temporary approach, so long as you turn before reaching the front of town. As soon as you come to Central Avenue, do not fear, for you have reached the turning point that will lead you to the back of town. Just slow down your car when you see the signage that suggests an avenue that is central to the south side of Oil City. Do not allow your car to surpass this roadway, as reaching the back of town will require you to turn your steering wheel leftward, as you progress your gas pedal in a forward position.
Now that you have successfully navigated your vehicle onto Central Avenue, you will notice to your right the Library of Inexplainable Existence. Do not fear, but continue, knowing that the boredom will end as soon as you reach 1st Street.
At this point, the success of reaching your desired goal will require a left turn ahead of you. For the best results, please ensure that your left blinking light is functioning prior to making this journey. Once you have reached 1st Street, put your turn signal in the downward position. Your turn signal should be a lever on the left side behind your steering wheel. Your left side should be what most consider their non-dominant hand. Your non-dominant hand is the hand that most people are less likely to use for everyday tasks like drinking coffee and other non-perverted tasks.
After completing the prior step, turn your wheel to the left once again, while leaning your foot on the gas pedal in a forward motion. Your car should drift forward as you turn onto 1st Street.
Now, you are home free. At any moment, the crumbling Catholic church should appear on your left side, displaying the section opposite of what you first observed before driving around the block.
To help simplify the process, we have broken down these steps into a much simpler navigation tool known as a map. Below is an image depicting the route by which you can successfully detour around the road that has been closed in the metropolis of Oil City.
We hope that these instructions help guide you on your journey, as you seek to find success in reaching your desired goal on the southeastern side of Oil City. We bid thee well, and Godspeed.
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