Cooperstown Library Closing. Residents Begin Mentally Rearranging Shelves for Dollar General

2026 will mark the beginning of the end for the Cooperstown Library, whose existence has lasted generations. For a town that, frankly, doesn't have much history to justify its own existence, the library was one of the only places people could go to gain a sense of what happens in the world outside of their isolated town. A building that looks like a sketchy auto mechanic shop has left a legacy for the people acting like their dog just died. Now, they must discover a new way to see what the world outside Cooperstown is like.

“We don't have any jobs here in Cooperstown,” states the mayor of Cooperstown. “For that reason, we don't have any gas to put in our vehicles. Frankly, because none of us can read, we depend heavily on the picture books at the Cooperstown library to give us a sense of what people do in places all around the world. Even as far as Franklin!"

The library states that it is forced to close due to the lack of funds available. The sudden decision to close hints as to why the library tax code was being promoted during the election cycle in early November. Evidently, their population has decreased so much in recent years, they don't have enough people to tax in theirown town.

“We don't have enough people to tax our own town,” states the mayor. “That's why, during the election cycle, we tried to see if all the other 20 townships could do their part to help fund a library they probably were never going to visit.”

Consequently, a sudden closure of the library means that the building will undoubtedly be converted into another Dollar General. With this will evidently come a population of impoverished goths who wear pajamas everywhere they go. Cooperstown residents are preparing for the worst.

In protest to the closure of the library, a massive crowd of two people gathered outside the building, holding signs with no words on them, mainly because the protesters don't know how to write. During the protest, they chanted loudly, "Save the library! Save the library! Save the library!" No cars drove by during the chant, but they were able to convince a tumbleweed that was on vacation from Utah to help spread the word.

The residents have mixed emotion over the possibility of a new Dollar General moving in. On one hand, they want the library, which offered them an opportunity to see the world beyond the border. At the same time, another Dollar General is something they are very excited for, since they don't quite understand the convenience of having a Walmart in their community.