Clearfield Shuts Down Straight of "Her Moose": Venango Threatens to Drop Eggshells
President Mayor Blunders of the Venango States of America is threatening to drop eggshells on Clearfield after learning that the Straight of Her Moose is closing. Word came to Blunders via carrier pigeon yesterday evening, leaving him confused over what a Her Moose is, furthermore, why a pigeon flew through the outhouse window.
"I don't know what this means." Blunders told the press this morning. "But we will make them pay."
The Straight of Her Moose refers to a tiny reservoir that was shut down yesterday. Although Clearfield has not explained their reason, laymen have determined it has no impact on us whatsoever.
Runner up to the 2025 Oil City Mayor election, Koala Bearis, states that she condemns Blunders threat to throw eggs at a neighboring county. Blunders responded by suggesting that she is only jealous for not having the arm to throw them that far.
While Venango County political influencers criticize the president of Venango County, Clearfield has still remained silent on why they specifically chose to close the reservoir connecting Moose Creek to Moose Creek. Blunders is now threatening to eggshell the Clearfield Navy if they do not open up the Strait of Her Moose again.
The major drawback to Blunders threat is that Clearfield does not have a navy residing in the Strait of Her Moose. Any boat that sails in those waters is likely just a bunch of tourists out fishing for a weekend. Nonetheless, Blunders intends on throwing rotten eggs at them anyway in order to establish his superiority over the neighboring counties.
No county has responded to Blunders threat in defense of Clearfield, given that the county he's threatening to egg could use the visual improvements. Blunders is giving Clearfield till tonight to open up the Strait of Her Moose. Should they fail to comply, he will sign an executive order to send Venango County military to drop eggshells on the region, provided they have enough gas to get there.
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