Clarion Courthouse Defenses Still Stand Strong Against Nobody

The Clarion County Courthouse states that the new defenses outside their building have successfully protected them from the people who weren't really attacking it in the first place. According to sources, the three-foot wall that any average person can easily climb over has managed to keep out invaders who weren't really coming anyways, leaving us to wonder why they bothered to put it up.

"I'm so relieved that we have this fence that anyone can easily get past," states Mayor Intellect of Clarion. "In an age with security cameras and burglar alarms and a police station nearby to respond to such unlikely circumstances, it makes sense to have a wall that does absolutely nothing."

With the courthouse shutdown having nothing to do with the electrical work, residents are wondering why officials don't just depend on a security system to keep people from breaking into their building. According to experts, it really only takes one camera on each side with motion sensors to tell police someone's breaking in. Additionally, with all the HVAC drama, it's not like that money's being spent anywhere else.

"We would rather take that money used for a security system and put it into a fence that anyone can surpass, because frankly, we don't have a good excuse," states Mayor Intellect. "While we are a town with a university who prides itself on education and the success of our college, which coincidentally has lost half its students since COVID, this is one instance where we cannot afford to use logic and save the town a bit of money on fencing."

It is probably better that the fencing is up to deter people away from walking on the grass, at least until the HVAC drama is resolved. Although walking on the grass has nothing to do with the HVAC drama and was something people were able to do before the courthouse shut down. Satirical analysts state that it is good to keep people off the grass as it accomplishes nothing. While it is unclear if there is any security technology in the building, we can also say that if there is, that once again proves our point that they don't need the fence because the security technology is in the building. With that said, we highly recommend they keep the fence up because it helps accomplish the task of giving us ironies to write about.