City of Franklin Declares Monday Illegal, Replaces it With "Pre-Tuesday"

With the work week starting, locals are frustrated with Monday taking the fun out of existence. According to experts, all other days requiring people to work are not the problem. Instead, Monday is to blame for everything simply because it exists.

Based on surveys, which we made up and were never actually taken, the public thinks Monday is the reason life sucks at the beginning of the week. This makes sense considering it requires humility to blame ones own competence.

With the data showing a majority wanting Monday gone, city officials did not hesitate to put a ban on the day. Unfortunately, they initially forgot the day still exists and had to come back to rename it. This wasted more tax dollars that could have paid for another Monday.

After the second meeting, it was determined that the formally named Monday will now be called "Pre-Tuesday." Locals are hopeful the rebranding will now trick their brains into liking the start of their work week. Spoiler: they hate Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday just as much.

A minority of people opposing the decision stood outsite the courthouse Friday holding up signs saying "Monday Matters." To help support their claim, they handed out calendars as evidence Monday is real.

As for the trash collectors, they also had to make adjustments for the new schedule. Now, they advertise their pickup as "some period between Sunday and Tuesday."

Locals are excited for the change and are willing to do anything to erase Monday from the memory of time. Activists have held local calendar burnings and have even pressured the school system to take Monday events out of their history books. Revisions will take place next Monday at 3 PM.