City Hall Installs Fire Escape After Bidet System Malfunction

It has been 4 months since City Hall cought fire after the Mayor struck a match over the outhouse throne. Locals banded together removing floor boards from their crumbling homes to help contribute to building the new City Hall.

Since then, the new City Hall, which still shares places with the City Outhouse, has seen many renovations. Firstly, a bitet toilet system was installed to ensure the Mayor can properly clean himself while simultaneously dousing the flames in the event of a fire. Secondly, a new observatory was installed on the roof of the outhouse to help drive tourists to the area.

As of this morning, the bidet system has failed leading to suspicion that East Crawford sabotaged the inner workings of our sewage cleaner. Mayor Blunders of Oil City discovered the malfunction when he tried to spray the hose to hydrate himself. The Mayor was quick to address the media saying that he "will not allow East Crawford to cripple our nation by bypassing our immigration system." Reporters were confused since the road connecting Oil City to Titusville has no such security.

Mayor Blunders announced plans to install a fire escape on the face of City Hall. Not only was this plan poorly executed for the fact the staircase is too small for humans to fit on, but now the door won't open. Residents of Oil City now have no place to relieve themselves because Mayor Blunders has jammed the door shut.

As for the bidet toilet system, sources say Mayor Blunders forgot to install a water system when he first put the genital cleaner in. Outhouses don't come with an external water source because the fecal matter is supposed to be burried in the hole. Consequently, Blunders is still Blaming Eastern Crawford and has declared this an violation of national security.