City Hall Discovered to Have No Heating System

After the first snowfall in the Oil Region, temperatures have dropped to levels which the mayor declares too cold for comfort. Consequently, the region is now under a state of emergency because the City Hall, which also shares spaces with the City Outhouse, has no heating system inside to keep our local diplomats warm.

With the city budget now $26 in the red, after a loan taken out from Franklin to help fund a new stop sign, Mayor Blunders has no choice but to steal the heating from the richer homes on Oil City’s south side. Residents on the south side who do not acknowledge Mayor Blunders as the true mayor of Oil City state that they will not stand for this tyranny.

The real mayor of Oil City has not commented on Mayor Blunders’ plan to steal heating from residents on the north side. In the meantime, the satirical mayor, Mr. Blunders of Oil City, has erected plans to steal heating systems from other homes tonight when residents are sleeping. The plans have been leaked to the public, rendering his intentions useless.

With the south side now aware of Mayor Blunders’ plans, experts predict he will shift his attention to the north side. Citizens on the north side have been warned to protect their homes, with the richest family now hiding their wood stove — which predates their broken-down house.

The heating systems of Oil City are few and far between. If, however, Mayor Blunders can successfully find one, local leaders are certain he will take it and apply it to the City Hall. That’s assuming that the heating system he manages to steal is still functioning. As far as we’re aware, not a single heating system in Oil City functions anymore due to the lack of funds available to repair them.