Chevy Speaks Out: “Preacher’s Fire and Brimstone Hate Message Converted Me to the Love of Jesus”

“If not for this man declaring, I was irredeemable, I would still be a Chevy with a meaningless cross on the grill of my hood,” states the four-wheel drive, who is now speaking out in defense of the Oil City preacher.

After several complaints made to local police about a preacher harassing people outside the Woods and River Coffee Shop, several Chevys are speaking out in defense of the prick on the corner. Despite the man being repulsive to human beings, vehicles understood exactly where the man was coming from, recognizing the distasteful approach as a necessary way to save them from the scrapyard.

“Before hearing this man preach, I lived a life in rebellion to the laws of traffic,” states license plate number Rebel at Heart. “I swerved in and out of lanes, cutting people off arrogantly, and even running traffic lights at moments where I didn't care for the repercussions.”

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So far, 25 Chevys have signed petitions for the street preacher to be let off on the condition that he only preach in auto sales parking lots. While people find the preacher to be obnoxious with his fire and brimstone message, it is apparent that cars need his message.

In the months that the preacher stood outside of the Woods and River Coffee Shop, every passerby either rolled up their windows or stayed inside to avoid hearing what he had to say. However, the cars had no choice but to listen, and they are eternally grateful for hearing the man warn them that they will go to hell, which finally explained the check engine light.

With public opinion weighed heavily against the preacher for his methods of harassment, the Chevys in support of him are passionately holding baptisms at the local car wash downtown, praying that one day they will be able to start a church with him as their leader.

“I may have been a broken-down junk, but now my carburetor has been renewed,” states the Chevy, who drove by the preacher twice a day.