Breaking: Pennywise Spotted at Clarion’s ALF Carnival Section — Parents to Be on High Alert
It has been reported by several sources that both versions of Pennywise have been spotted in the Carnival Section right outside of the Clarion County Courthouse. According to several witnesses, the 1990 version of Pennywise, as well as the 2017 reprised role, have both been lurking in the shadows around various rides in the tiny space available. Police are warning residents to be on high alert over the weekend.
“I was very scared when I saw those creepy eyes peering at me from beneath the merry-go-round,” states Ted Bundy, a local charmer who spends lots of time with women that oddly go missing shortly thereafter. "I felt my life was in danger. Fortunately, I’m at the age where I can escape multiple times when I’m confined to a tiny room.”
Other residents are also reporting fears based on additional sightings that have disturbed them this entire week. According to Jack the Ripper, a strange figure matching the description of the 1990s Pennywise followed him all the way home beneath the University bleachers at the Clarion football field.
Other local figures known for their fictional existence have also taken to Facebook, expressing their fears and disgust with the current events.
Two other local figures, Mr. Epstein and Mr. Sandusky, also tried to express their fears about the situation. Unfortunately, we accidentally pushed them into the live alligator exhibit. We hope they make a full recovery. Well, maybe just half. Then we can push them in again!
Police are warning locals to keep their distance from any suspicious clowns hanging around the carnival this weekend until we can be assured by Stephen King that this is not a publicity stunt. In the meantime, the sewer drain swimming party is still set to take place this weekend, provided no clowns are sticking their heads through the drain.
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