Allegheny Sends Troops into Lawrence County After Firework Strikes Steel Factory
A costly incident resulted in absolutely no injuries after a firework struck a steel factory on the south side of Pittsburgh. In response to the incident, Allegheny County has deployed 55 soldiers into the Lawrence County region as a precautionary measure to find and destroy the weapons of "mass destruction."
The firework technically brought no destruction whatsoever. When it hit the target, it made a mild bang. This failed to even rattle the structure. Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh credits the defensibility of the steel factory to the fact that it is made out of steel. He also credits the lack of injuries to the fact that every worker is also made out of steel.
Sir Lawrence of Newcastle is now preparing his defenses with more than seventy-five valiant knights ready to confront the armies of the Allegheny Nation. Armed with fireworks and iron-plated armor, the soldiers of Newcastle are ready to serve their lord as they march toward the enemy in an attempt to slay the invaders.
"We hath not seen times ne'er as dark as these, except in nightfall on a cloudy, moonless evening," states the less than poetically skilled Mayor of Newcastle, Sir Lawrence. "We shall strike the steel, while the iron is hot, and force those who taketh our land by force back to whenve they came."
Technically, it was Lawrence County's decision to steal West Pittsburg several decades ago. This prompted the sudden tension between Lawrence and Allegheny County. When Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh was searching for his city's west side, he noted on a map that Lawrence County has a West Pittsburg, with an "H" that was unjustifiably removed.
Despite demanding the return of West Pittsburg, Sir Lawrence of Newcastle denies the allegations and has since threatened to launch fireworks toward the city of Pittsburgh.
Now Allegheny may take West Pittsburgh by force if Sir Lawrence does not yield to Southwestern Pennsylvania's biggest superpower. Though the knights of Newcastle are armored with the finest iron mined in their region, their fireworks are no match to the steel nuts and bolts that will be launched at them by the armies of Allegheny.
For peace to be guaranteed, many believe that it is best for Sir Lawrence to surrender West Pittsburg back to Allegheny forces. Unfortunately, retrieving Pittsburgh's West end would mean more distaster from Washington County, who has been threatening to fire the cannons of Cannonsburgh on Pittsburgh if Mount Washington is not returned to them.
Pittsburgh's demand for West Pittsburg is observed as hypocrisy by Washington County leaders. The refusal to return the mountain has brought the treaty between both counties to an end and may result in the first war between these nations. Washington County's military is already preparing for potential invasion.
Political leaders are now at an escalated tension over the possession of land. Allegheny has soldiers at their disposal, but may be facing the first test of their superiority. It all depends on the leadership of Mayor Steelhead.
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