Allegheny Military Captures City Hall's Rotary Phone

The Allegheny military has officially laid siege to the Capitol building, which is the city outhouse. According to reports, troops sent by Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh have successfully breached the outer defenses of Oil City, gaining possession of Venango County's Capitol building.

The devastation is beyond words, according to President Mayor Blunders of the Venango States of America. The city has officially lost their only rotary phone, which is now in the hands of Allegheny militants. Blunders, who spent the majority of the invasion in the lower levels of the Outhouse, has officially surfaced and declares this loss the most embarrassing experience in our nation's history.

While it is untrue that the most embarrassing moment in Oil City's history is the loss of the rotary phone, Mayor Blunders is correct that what Allegheny soldiers came to see is quite embarrassing. Blunders surfaced from the Outhouse, completely covered in what best can be described as what you find at the bottom of an outhouse. We understand the redundancy, but we're just reporting facts.

Allegheny soldiers are now making their way south with Mayor Blunders' rotary phone, along with the carrier pigeon they captured days before. The Venango County military is completely oblivious to what has just happened, since the capital city of Oil City has been unable to send word to the border of Warren County, where Laurel and Hardy are currently stationed.

With no form of communication existing in Venango County, the capital city of Oil City is now left with no means of reaching the soldiers representing the nation of Venango. Additionally, Mayor Blunders is no longer able to harass the mayor of Pittsburgh over his desire to change the Allegheny River to the Gulf of Venango.