Allegheny County Strikes Back at Lawrence

Mayor Steelhead of Pittsburgh announced to the press today that Lawrence County has been struck by a steel beam. This came after an executive order for the Allegheny military to perform operations of retaliation.

Last week, Lawrence County struck the heart of Allegheny’s capital with a firework launched tens of miles away. Now, New Castle, capital of Lawrence County, is finding itself on the receiving end of such an attack.

“We have shown them the might of our culture,” Steelhead told the press just prior to being sucked off the stage by an industrial lifting magnet.

It is taking rescue workers several hours to get Steelhead down due to each worker getting stuck to the magnet themselves.

Meanwhile, in New Castle, Sir Lawrence announced his intent to send knights down to Pittsburgh if Steelhead does not pay for the new pothole his military created. Steelhead has not responded because he is still stuck on the magnet. We will follow up once experts can figure out how to get him down.