Allegheny County Reaches Southern Venango Border; Blunders Declares State of Emergency

Allegheny troops have officially passed through Butler, reaching the southern border of Venango County. According to sources, soldiers are progressing northward towards the city of Franklin, where they will establish a post before progressing to the capital of Oil City.

At 12 p.m. yesterday, a pigeon was sent to warn the Venango County military, who are currently guarding the border of Warren. Unfortunately, the pigeon flew southward in the same direction of the Allegheny military. It is believed that Allegheny troops have captured the pigeon and are now making haste to beat Laurel and Hardy of the Venango County military.

Meanwhile, Venango County's only soldier stationed in the capital of Oil City is nine-year-old Timmy, whose mother is refusing to let him participate in another war. Timmy played a significant role in County War One, which resulted in several school absences that landed his mother and father in jail. Timmy's mother states that she wants her son to graduate before he makes any other military decisions.

Venango County's capital of Oil City remains defenseless, with Blunders now faced with the choice of evacuating or hiding in the lower levels of the Outhouse, which is City Hall.

Venango County's Capitol building has been fortified with a bidet toilet seat in case of another fire. Unfortunately, it is not equipped to defend against enemy soldiers.

Oil City has proactively evacuated everyone but the citizens and their pets. Despite Blunders warning the city to abandon its capital, citizens are choosing to ignore the call, since Allegheny is only coming for Mayor Blunders' phone. Although Blunders has declared a state of emergency, citizens are expressing that losing the phone would reduce the deficit anyway.