A Sitdown with Venango County's Only News Anchor, Dead Weight

Venango County went without a news anchor for years due to a lack of media interest in moving their news to an area where nothing interesting ever happens. Dead Weight came into the picture after the Venango Republic used a satirical platform to make Venango County sound interesting again. This was the first time in over 30 years that Venango County had stuff to talk about—despite everything we report being fake.

Dead Weight has become an iconic figure in the community and has reported on almost every significant issue we make up. 60 Minutes invited Dead Weight for a personal interview, where they were able to uncover the story of his life.

Dead Weight states that he was left in the ocean for nearly 60 years. Abandoned by a ship that decided he was too much to carry, he lived the majority of his life underwater.

Dead Weight was fished out of the ocean in 2014 and was surgically given arms and legs made of the same substance as his anchor. Dead Weight says that learning to walk was an adjustment, as he struggled to keep his chin off the floor. Eventually, he learned how to balance in a way that keeps his anchor from weighing him down. He still has days where he trips over absolutely nothing. Nonetheless, he manages to keep his head above water.

As the news anchor of the Venango Republic, Dead Weight says that he hopes to accomplish big things. Unfortunately, he is weighed down by a severe lack of motivation. Consequently, he may never accomplish anything big. This is probably why he identifies so well with Venango County.