5 Ways to Ensure Your Relatives Won't Return Next Thanksgiving
The holiday of gratitude is here, and nothing screams ungrateful like visiting relatives and in-laws. We here at the Venango Republic understand the frustration of family drama. We may not be able to guarantee shutting your extended family out this year. However, after consulting experts, we have discovered 5 effective ways to ensure your Thanksgiving will truly be one to give thanks for next year.
Insult grandma's cooking
Let's be real. You don't really love your family if you are this desperate to keep them from coming back. So why is it so difficult to do the very thing that will ensure they will never visit you again? Their presence is overbearing, you can't stand them, so stop worrying about how they perceive you. Insult her cooking, and voila! Problem solved!
Throw a brick at them
This could potentially get you landed in jail. But as Thanos once said, "the hardest decisions require the greatest sacrifice." You may have to spend a few Thanksgivings in a jail cell, but after that, all your Thanksgivings will be you alone with your TV.
Serve them a Chinese dinner
When you serve the food, they'll understand why the cat went missing.
Tell them they need to lay off the food
Insulting a family member's weight is a great way to make sure they do not come back next year! It might not be culturally appropriate, but neither are they. Just tell that woman to stop stuffing herself like the turkey. Not only will she go, but so will her husband.
Kill them
Our favorite method is arsenic in the food. However, you might consider just using a gun. You can always claim you saw the turkey move and plead self-defense.
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