The biggest sport around the area drew the largest crowd our city has ever seen. 8 total people showed up to the local cornhole tournament allowing for two games to take place at once. This beat last years tournament that only drew two people including the old man who lives at Mcdonalds. The cornhole competition got off to a rough start. Johny Hickleberry threw the first bean bag that bounced off the board. Jenifer Smellypants attempted to go up by throwing another bean bag that also bounced off the opponent's board. Each player just kept throwing bean bags back and forth that for some reason would not land on the boards. It wasn't until the mayor, Jim Jetfuel put an end to the competition realizing that the participants were too malnourished to play because Oil City is poor.

Harrold Redneck, a four year Counselman of Oil City passed away earlier today at the age of 102. According to sources, Redneck died of shock when an outside visitor showed him a picture of a city he called New York. Witnesses say that Redneck was filling his gas tank at the edge of town just before the incident occurred. The unidentified visitor is said to have been lost and stumbled onto Oil City by accident. While asking for directions, conversation persisted between the New Yorker and Redneck about who's city was bigger. When the outsider pulled out a picture revealing unbelievably high buildings, Redneck went into cardiac arrest. Witnesses immediately denied the possibility of a city larger than Oil City and accused the outsider of producing his photo with dark magic. Onlookers were further offended when the visitor insisted that life exists beyond the border of Clarion. The name of the perpetrator is being kept confidential as local police investigate his intent. A hearing will be held next Tuesday at the abandoned train station. Redneck's funeral has yet to be announced as the family want's time to grieve his loss.