Comparing the Minds of Clarion Residents With the Minds of Oil City

Clarion Township is a small college town in western PA known for their success in drawing young students. Residents of this fine community like to think of themselves as a "Mayberry with a University." Although small, they take pride in the charm of their community without exaggerating their potential.

And then there's Oil City, a visual dump in the neighboring county who, despite sharing their city hall with an outhouse, seems to think of themselves as a highrise in Manhattan. Ironically, most the residents don't know people exist beyond the Clarion borderline with some even suggesting that life cannot exist past the reaches of Venango. It's the strangest conspiracy since the invention of flat Earthers.

Johnathan Unitustogether, a statistical analyst for Clarion University, has been working closely with Psychiatrist Ben Shapinghero to better understand why Oil City residents are delusional about the size of their importance. According to census data dating back to before the oil industry collapsed, 98.7% of Oil City residents are an average of 102 years old. This means that almost 100% of the current population was here when Quaker State left in the early 90s.

"The data clearly shows these residents are living in denial" says Shapinghero "they couldn't come to grips with the industry leaving and therefore try to compensate their loss by acting like they're bigger than Chicago."

What makes the contrast of both towns so fascinating is that they both faced economic struggles at about the same time. The difference is that Clarion managed to recover without displaying this sense of inflated ego. Oil City on the other hand continues to lose business and population because the residents eventually die.

Oil City does have one thing going for it. There is a college at the edge of town. This school draws in about 5 students every 15 years. However, only one student on record managed to complete his 4 year degree program. That same student skipped town in 2020 after Mayor Blunder agreed to have his ankle monitor removed.

According to sources, this sad excuse for a college was purchased by Clarion University. When asked to comment, the president of Clarion University said "oh... we don't talk about that building. Our hope is that if we just don't mention it, it will eventually be forgotten and just go away."

As the years have passed, Oil City has lost much of its population. Nobody ever leaves. They just get old and die. It is estimated that by 2035, there will be only 5 residents left in what was once a very prosperous region. Meanwhile, Clarion will continue to exist as a town where young students come and go seeking an education to propel them into the real world.