White Americans Consider Changing Color to Help End Racism

For hundreds of years, white people have failed to take accountability for the offensive hue of their skin. Imagine being a black man trying to enjoy your daily stroll in the hood only to have some bald biker blind you with the sun reflecting off his head. It is time for people to wake up! Fortunately, a generation of young college aged white students have figured out everything the generations before them couldn't get right, and they haven't even graduated with their masters in privilege yet.

According to sources, 2020 marked the beginning of several pale privileged dependants figuring out that whiteness is evil. In the five years since, a new movement called "Wokeness" has taken the world by storm replacing the principle of loving people regardless of color with the ethical reality that if you are white, you have no hope for redemption. 

White people are beginning to understand this principle and are looking for ways to escape their whiteness scientifically. Between lower paying jobs like picking cotton in a field, and personal contracts offering a life of abusive servitude to random black people, white pricks are beginning to ask what must be done to cleanse them of the evil that is their skin. 

A much more controversial decision has been made by some white people to completely change their overall makeup. “We just don't want to be the inferior mistakes we were born to be” says one white man as he pulls the mop out of the school janitor's closet. "I'm way too privileged coming from a line of Huckleberry Finn's."

Recognizing that the only way to amount to anything in this world requires having black skin, a minority of white individuals are choosing to transition their tone to be less offensive to their superiors. 

“We need to look to role models like Ariana Grande and Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder” says Mr. Jim Crow. “Everyone seems to respect Grande and Downey for trying to identify with black people.”

Several other woke enthusiasts consider this a bad move after the history of such actions was not well received. Instead, they suggest taking on similar vocabulary that white men typically fail to incorporate in their everyday social interactions. 

“I've been practicing this one word that starts with the letter ‘N'” says a homeschooled girl in Kentucky. “I think it goes ‘Nah-bra’ but I'm still struggling to master the kadence with my slow hillbilly accent.” Despite the relief after hearing the letter “N” she still eventually used the slur… We reported her to CNN and got her canceled…

With evil dominating the American population, white people are trying everything they can to transition themselves to a blacker way of life. Unfortunately, no matter how black they try to become, onlookers still cringe at what they see considering the effort to erase whiteness more racist than just remaining white. Scientists say options are limited and possibly may only involve genocide as a solution. Thanos has been informed of the situation so that if he finds the stones, he can resolve this instantly.