Erie Snowplow Drivers Forced to Eat Snow After Wasting Paychecks on Fuel

Snowplow drivers in Erie report financial strains which have reduced them to three blizzards daily. According to surveys conducted by the administration of Get Drained Quick Schemes, drivers say they have no more money to pay for food.

“We've been sitting on the streets daily, pedaling for cash between snowfalls,” states Mr. Sea Tea Eee, who oddly keeps slamming his head on his plow. “Our trucks guzzle more gas than we can afford. I've taken out 17 loans just so I can keep this job.”

Last week, a driver was reported to have left his vehicle running while fueling. The driver revved the engine and sucked the attendant into the tank. He still has Nikes hanging out of the flap.

With weather conditions showing less snow in the coming week, drivers are fearful they will have nothing to eat. Gas prices are twice what they were when they were half what they are. Consequently, the average worker is now unable to afford a quality ramen noodle dinner.

“I just want to know that my job is safe,” states Mr. Headache. “I can't afford to go back to my job as a brain surgeon. I'm way too traumatized to be trusted with a scalpel.”

Workers are left with no choice but to continue investing in their dream jobs while living off the frozen weather. Until the E. coli levels drop in Lake Erie, no plow driver will be diving for fish to keep their families fed.