The Clarion County Courthouse is an iconic location for locals. From the clock, to the random guy sitting on top wearing Caesars bathrobe, to whatever else makes the building stand out, people know the Clarion Courthouse because the town is small and you likely have to pass it to get to work each day anyway. In commemoration of the Clarion County Courthouse, the Venango Republic is having a drawing for anyone who can guess what building is in the thumbnail of this article. Those who guess correctly will be entered to win a genuine Venango Republic T-shirt courtesy of the 14 fictional staff members who make this possible. Just message our Facebook page at The Venango Republic. If you happen to guess that the location in the picture is the Clarion County Courthouse, you will be entered to win a T-Shirt. If you guess it is something different than the Clarion County Courthouse, you are either a moron or just trying to be funny. Good luck to everyone on guessing the location! Contest ends June 20th, 2025.

Smoke Cantina is arguably one of the most unique restaurants in Franklin and possibly the surrounding region. A small hallway sized restaurant with less seating capacity than Eatn Park, we understand why they painted the front of their building in such a way to keep them from standing out. The food is so top notch, they would not be able to handle the crowds breaking down their doors. It would be more violent than a shopping mob on Black Friday. Our lead journalist, Jeremy Jetfuel, visited this restaurant on three consistent occasions requesting the staff and owner for their recommendations. We wanted this review to be as informational as possible to show people what kind of quality they can get in a restuarant that honestly needs to pack up and move to the tenth story of a New York skyscraper. What the heck are you people doing in Venango County anyway? You are way too good for us! Our platform is comedy. However, our goal is to also promote the businesses that help Venango County thrive. For this reason, we are cutting back on the satire once again to bring a genuine review with a few jokes mixed in here and there. We highly recomend this location for a night out! This is what Smoke Cantina had to offer us..... Pork Chops with Grits This pork has grit.... Every time I hear the word grits, I think of a term that should be used to describe a person with guts. Aparently it also classifies as a sidedish. So the next time someone says you have "grit" check and see if they are talking about your tough personality or an entree. The Smoke Cantina features a pork chop to die for. I mean seriously, even though meats already dead you better be willing to take a bullet if anyone ever threatens this masterpiece at gunpoint. I personally never had pork chops growing up because my family was poo..... We couldn't afford the "r" to finish the title.... Nonetheless, my impression of pork chops growing up was a bone with barely any meat on it. Smoke Cantina proved me wrong. According to the waitress, these delicious beef cakes are marinated in some big complicated word I can't pronounce. Who really cares what it's called. It's still freaking delicious! Stuffed Shrimp Shrimp lying motionless waiting to be eaten Seafood is a necessity for fine dining and must be done correctly. Presenting low quality underwater delicacies is the ultimate sin in the catering industry. Fortunately, the Smoke Cantina honors the unspoken rule with their delicious Stuffed Shrimp. To be more precise, jumbo coctail shrimp split down the middle served on top of super lump crab. This would be the same crab used to make their popular crab cakes. To give the shrimp the appeal you would see on the box, it is drizzeled with Lemon Aioli. Another high class sounding word that tastes as good as it implies. Not high class looking enough? First, you're a liar if you think so. Secondly, it comes with an Asian fruit slaw next to the shrimp. This is the kind of slaw they make in Asia as implied by the name..... Keylime Creme Brulee Spicey Margarita Why choose between sweet, citrus, and sass when you could have all three??? What we were not prepared for in ordering this dish was the fact that it comes with a jalapeno in the center and a homeade tajin (that means spicey) on the outside of the bowl. Believe it or not, we were in such a daze after ordering the Pork Chops with Grits that we did not notice the word "spicey" in the title of this desert. My only complaint to Smoke Cantina is that in America, desert means sweet flavor. I know this restaurant features recipes from all around the world, but come on now! Putting spice with desert is like putting chicken with waffles. Just because it's popular doesn't mean the idea is good! I'm sorry to be blunt. We're sure this is a quality option for those who like to burn their mouths on their cake. It just was not for us. Please do not bar us from your wonderful establishment! While eating this dish, we felt like we were playing operation. Just dip the metal utensil into the bowl and remove the contents without accidentally touching the edges. If you do touch the edges, be sure to recieve a massive jolt when the lava crumbs touch your tongue. Cucumber Zen Garden Vodka Kermit the Frog in drink form.... Brewed in the heart of Pittburgh's Boyd and Blair Distillery, the vodka features cucumber flavoring infused into the drink. Additionally, a homade matcha syrup is mixed in to help the flavor taste like tea. Now, you can have a sophisticated Brittish tea gathering mixed with a wine tasting contest courtesy of the Smoke Cantina. To be honest, we here at the Venango Republic don't drink. We tried to sip this but cringed because we are wimps and cannot handle the strength of alcohol. We are just going to assume based on all the classy information about this drink that it taste good for those of you who can handle booze. Ramen Bowl It's pronounced Ramen! Not Ramen! The Ramen Bowl features two chop sticks. Perfect for helping you Americans look clumbsy while eating your dinner. We were going to ask for utensils, but were too embarassed to admit we were American.... The recipe consists of real ramen. That means more authentic than the cheap packs you get from Aldi's. Right off the bat, the flavor of the soup makes you wonder why you have been buying the cheap version all these years. I'm typically one who likes to drain the noodles before applying the flavoring. In this case however, I did not mind it as a soup. All the elements applied to the bowl enhanced the flavor with a slightly salty but not overpowering sensation. The pork was fantastic but could be substituted if you believe pigs should not die in the name of ramen. I do have to thank Smoke Cantina for making the jalapeno's removable. With how much we at the Venango Republic hate spice, having the option to excomunicate our least favorite substance was a great feeling. The biggest complaint about the bowl is that trying to masterfully pick up the egg is a challenge. We here at the Venango Republic are not skilled in the art of Chop Suey. This means that picking up eggs gently with chop sticks is not our area of expertise. The eggs kept crumbling and eventually we asked for a spoon. Honey Bee Stinger Drink does not buzz just because it's named after a bee... The Honey Bee Stinger is a Whisky Coctail infused with hot honey and elder flower. At first, the owner went easy on us giving us a non-spicy option. When we learned this, we told her to give us the full experience. We were immediately put into cardiac arrest as a result..... All joking aside (until we decide to make another joke), the drink features a tiny plant called a buzz button. For the first half of the drink, you are supposed to chew half the buzz button to influence your taste buds with a particular flavor. The button has an imediate sensation similar to what you smell when you cover your back with Vicks Vapo Rub. It also numbs your tongue slightly. This way, if you are going to a dental proceedure after visiting the Smoke Cantina, you are all set to have your mouth drilled into. The Vicks Vapo Rub really did conceal the heat of the drinks spicy nature. However, when you swallow a decent portion, there is a bit of a spicy tingle in your throat. The owner described this as just heat resonating from the spices added. As much as we hate spice, we could tollerate this part of the drink. The hardest part was actually enduring the alcohol flavor which we are still not accustomed to. We really need to get out more..... Sticky Duck with White Mac N Cheese My mouth is watering looking at this picture! The Sticky Duck is very unique in that when you throw it up against a wall, it does not detach easily. When the waitress brought this dish to our table, she accidentally slipped, and in slapstick comedy style, threw the duck into the air. We had to get a ladder to remove it from the ceiling. All joking asside, the Sticky Duck is a phenominal option for unique entree's. Chopped into several strips to ensure the duck can't get away, this option features a spicy Asian glaze and is pan seared to give it that crispy texture. The duck is placed on a portion of fried rice which can also be offered as a side. In this case, we got the Mac N Cheese. I mean..... Why would we get a side of rice for a duck that's already sitting on rice? You aren't making any sense Daffy...... The Mac N Cheese features a white cheese blend with bread crumbs sprinkled on top. The recipe is baked then put through a series of harsh verbal judgement so it's perfection does not get to its head. If you like macaroni, you will fall in love with this. If you do not like macaroni, you are full of bolony. Water Bobby Boucher's favorite..... Inported from all over the world through the pipes leading to their sink, the Smoke Cantina features a clear substance useful for staying hydrated. The properties of this drink are labeled H2O. Some have speculated it is due to the drink consisting of hydrogen and 2 parts oxygen. We have not found conclusive evidence to support this claim. The water you recieve from the Smoke Cantina sink has likely been to many countries over the course of history and probably was urinated out of other people who drank it before you. This is what Mufasa calls the "circle of life." We're sorry if we spoiled your appetite with that detail, but technically it is true, and you're going to have to drink water eventually despite how we marred your perspective of it. Snickers Tart Dead pig remains next to reformed candy that likes to snicker.... We were cought off guard but not suprised to find that a side of bacon goes well with desert. Unlike spices, bacon goes with everything. The Snickers Tart is a dish you will want to hork down as quickly as you can. Not just for the fact that it is delicious, but for the fact that it is a snicker, meaning it is scornfully laughing at you the longer you wait. Every special feature about the Smoke Cantina recipes are made in house. Chefs prepare this desert by handpressing the Oreo crust as a base for the tart. In the center, you have a thick carmel and peanut butter nougat topped with chocolate ganache along with a housemade carmel glaze graciously drizzled on the top for extra appeal. This desert is so heavenly, we fear Jenny Craig will lose some subscribers this month. Lemon Basil Spritzer Jello drink with no jello cubes..... you disapoint me Smoke Cantina.... The Lemon Jello Wine is in no way jello like, leading to the suspicion that they do not actually put jello cubes inside. With fresh basil and lemon, the drink smells like a mixture of a lemon-scented candle and a backyard herb garden — refreshing, confusing, and oddly reminiscent of Grandma’s kitchen in July. Produced by Narcisi, the wine is a popular choice among customers according to the bar tender. Unfortunately, we struggle to tolerate beverages with alcoholic levels above zero percent. Consequently, we had to take the bar tenders word for it that it is really good. We believe you bar tender! Corn Bread Perfection topped with demonic jalepeno's What was once a recipe consisting of diced jalapeno's inside, according to the waitress, now customers have the option of removing the jalapeno on the top if they want to spare their tongue horiffic torture. You can litterally look at that spicey turd and say "knock knock." The spice will respond "who's there?" And you say "jalapeno." Before they can say "jalapeno who?" you say "jalapeno business" and flick that piece of nonsense off the bread! Sorry. We don't like spice! The jalapeno is a nice addition for people who want to burn their tongue. Also, the ability to remove it for people who are sane is also a nice touch. As for the bread itself, it crumbles in your mouth with sweet flavoring goodness. The flavor has a slight sweetness that is not overpowering but noticable. It features a honey butter at the base which from our understanding is also made in house. We should also mention that the jalapeno we keep dumping on is cheddar flavor. We cannot be certain, but we are convinced they did not grow it with cheese inside. It is more likely they cooked it on top. Conclusion We have two favorite restaurants in Franklin. Smoke Cantina is one of those restuarants. We would like to thank the owner for allowing us the privelege to dine in as our wallets permitted. We had a chance to converse with the owner briefly by phone just days before publishing this article. Because we never reveal the names of people on our site for their confidentiality, we will refer to her by Google's definition of her name. In our conversation with "God Is My Judge," we learned that she started her career in New York City. This restaurant opening propelled her career toward other oportunities around the country and the world. Smoke Cantina is the 14th place she has opened and the first that was primarily her own business. Many of the businesses she helped start were based in several different states including Hawaii, Texas, Chicago, Ohio, and now Pensylvania. She has also traveled the world to study various cuisines and ingredients. The goal being to get the authentic experience so she can provide the same to her guests. Expanded from a catering business across the street, the Smoke Cantina has become a popular choice for locals. In describing the unique nature of the Smoke Cantina, God Is My Judge states that "if you want something different that you can't find locally and as authentic as you can get, we're the destination you choose." God Is My Judge says that she has a following that stretches all the way to Erie, with guests regularly driving the distance to enjoy the dine in experience. "I could not run it without the team I have. They are the ones who uphold my vision and my culture. I could not do it without them." Between running the Home Grown Kitchen catering business, to building a restaurant of diverse cuisine, to being a wife and mother of two children, the owner of Smoke Cantina has a lot to be proud of. She is undoubtedly a hardworking individual who has accomplished a lot in her travels. Something she mentioned to me in my short interview with her on the phone is that she was raised in Franklin Pensylvania. Despite traveling the world and having a major part in opening high end restaurants across the country, she chose to come back to her home town and open a restaurant that very well could thrive in a major city like New York. With this in mind, I think it's fair to say that Venango County is lucky to have this kind of entrepenuer around. Not only does it afford us a style of cuisine that is not common in this regione, but it also speaks a message of how contentment with a small town lifestyle does not mean you have to be held back from success. This style of cooking could very well be found in a major city but she is making it work in the small town she grew up in. By the way, if you think I'm lying about the definition of her name, here's the proof.... Hmmmmm.... I guess you're also an electrochemical cell..... The more you know.....

Main Street in Marienville was overwhelmed today with the largest crowd it has seen in decades. Two grandmothers, Mildred Piemaker, age 82, and her sister, Ethel Grade87fuel, age 85, were joined by their great grandson for what they termed "a voice against injustice." The new town ordinance titled "no lawn flamingo's before July" has the two great grandmothers furious. With Summer already begun, Piemaker and Grade87fuel say that it makes no sense to wait another month before setting their flamingo's out in their lawns. "My lawn requires pink decor to look outstanding compared to the 5 other people living in town" states Grade87fuel. At this point, she ended the interview because she ran out of gas. Miss Piemaker also expressed her anger with the town ordinance stating that "my pink stakes bring the boys to the yard." The pies she used to bake and put in the window used to do just that. Unfortunately, she no longer has the energy to cook. The protest went on for ten minutes before both grandmothers took a seat in their motorized scooters. By this point, only their 6 year old grandson had the will to hold up a sign which read "Flamin-Go Ahead! Make My Day!" According to reports, the only thing to pass and observe their protest was another grandmother who stopped thinking it was a yard sale.

This past week, 2 T-shirts were shipped out to contest winners featuring the logo and staff of the Venango Republic. The shirt can be seen in the image below.... Genuine T-shirt made from Earth existing materials In an attempt to further promote the site and draw people to the Venango Republic Facebook page, another contest is being held until the 20th of this month for the same T'shirt. Unfortunately, people don't seem to grasp how the contest works. With the instructions plain as day in our last article , people are instead commenting beneath the posts on Facebook thinking that we monitor every page our articles are shared to..... OK, we do because we're the only ones sharing them. That is, asside from that random dude on the Clarion page who keeps taking credit for our work. What is your deal Michel?!?!?!?! Nonetheless, the instructions in the article were plain as day. People wanting the shirt were supposed to message our Facebook page directly. Instead, they're commenting under the articles expecting that to get them into the contest. You guessed right you people who don’t like to read I mean.... We could let you in since nobody is taking this contest seriously. But it's much more fun to troll you for not following directions.... Researchers at Clarion University are trying to grasp how a simple contest rule like "message our Facebook page" could be overlooked by people who are supposedly from a college town. According to Amitor Spellar, professor of lazy reading syndrom at Clarion University, the issue could be that "people don't have the will to retain instructions from a short article like the one posted yesterday." With this being the case, we have decided to post an even longer one to ensure those people fail again. Another issue could be that the people commenting don't really want a T'shirt featuring the staff at the Venango Republic. Professor Spellar states that they could be attempting the same sarcasm the Venango Republic exercises on a regular basis. If this is the case, we are considering hiring these people on as consultants for our satire. The wage will be the same as our fictional staff members; absolutely nothing...... We here at the Venango Republic recognize the hardship of finding a Facebook page. It probably takes just as much effort to find ours as it did to find the one you discovered this article on right now. To help take a load off your shoulders, here is a step by step guide to find the Facebook page which can be found by clicking the link here . Step 1: Exit off this article Oops! Now they're gone and can't see the rest of the instructions...... Step 2: Find the search bar Look at the top of the Facebook app for this bar. It should be a little box you type in to find people and pages you have liked in the past. Can you guess which symbol is used to search things with? Step 3: Search for The Venango Republic You'll notice that we spell our name like the county Venango. You will also notice we use the word "republic" as the second word in our name. You will also notice we use the word "the" at the beginning. The way you spell "the" is first with the letter T, then with the letter H, and finally with the letter A. Tha Venango Democracy Step 4: Hit the search button Duh! Step 5: Look for the Island of Misfit Toys You will recognize our page. It features a city skyline you would never find in Venango County. It also features a staff that makes Venango seem like a place people would want to live in. Skyline Venango County dreams of but will never obtain.... Step 6: Click the button to message us The unique feature of this button is that is gives us the ability to communicate technologically with the outside world. Those who choose to message us through this button will be able to tell us they exist. Message is spelled with an M, an E, an S, another S, an A, a G, and an E. With these step by step instructions, we are confident that you may one day figure out how to properly navigate the internet. We know that finding a Facebook page is hard and taxing on the brain. We also know that this sarcasm is the worst way to entice you to come to our Facebook page..... Dang! Our goal with the contest was to help promote the brand and draw people to our page.... We really do suck at making our customers feel valued......

He may look like an inocent pooch along for the ride. However, according to sources which we made up, this animal is the mastermind of a whole string of thefts in the Clarion region. Last week, Explore Clarion posted images of three individuals, two of which were suspected of shoplifting and disorderly conduct at the Clarion Walmart. We have blurred the image out of respect for the culprits confidentiality. Have you seen these blurred people? Oddly enough, the police did not specify what kind of disorderly conduct or shoplifting occurred. For all we know, these people just took a fountain pen, which is technically theft. As for the disorderly conduct, for all we know it might have just been the dude riding grandmas scooter. Despite not being informed on what heights these kids took things too, overly emotional Facebook drama queens felt justified to use the anger emoji.... Why are you sad? Why are you shocked? Why are you angry? We don't know what they did! To add to the drama, some commenters felt like it was necessary to imply animal abuse was a concern...... Dog in good health suddenly in danger of getting beaten..... Really? The dog looks healthy and content to be around them..... Some dude rides grandma's bike and all the sudden the dog is in danger? For all we know they just took a fountain pen and now aparently the dogs life is at stake! Well, believe it or not, the dog may in fact be the master mind behind this charade. Later that day, reports came in of a black dog running out of Aldi's with a bag of beef jerky in his mouth. The store manager says that the animal did not pay for the item. Official security footage not doctored by AI... The next day, security footage at a UK gas station in Sligo shows the same dog demanding jerky and cash at gun point. The clerk says that the dog got away with everything in the drawer including 9 bags of Jack Links. Photo taken by anonymous AI source standing behind the dog.... Police are warning locals not to take pitty on the dog for being with he kids at the time of the Walmart incident. It is aparent that the shoplifters reckless behavior was influenced by the animal accompanying them at the time. Interogations of the said shoplifters reveal that this dog is from the Mafia and that he personally seeks out opportunities for young individuals to do his dirty work for him. Anyone with any information about the dog is asked to call Jenny at 867-5309.

Oil City—once a booming hub of blue-collar oil workers building fortunes for white-collar men too stubborn to shake a greasy hand. Now? It's mostly small businesses and a few festivals to give it some life and appeal. Truth be told, it may never be what it was back in the day. But there are things a small town like Oil City has to offer that, believe it or not, even surprise us. After several interviews over the last two months, visits to experience what is going on inside, and purchases of products, we discovered traits that won't leave the visitors disapointed. Not to mention, the owners of the said businesses are extremely nice people who, despite us being a satiracle website, were willing to take the chance on an interview. The truth is, we are not out to defame anyone. We make a lot of jokes at Venango County's expense because comedy is meant to be a bit controversial. However, we want the county to succeed. And after our article on " Businesses Worth Visiting in Franklin " some people mentioned that there are businesses worth visiting in Oil City as well. It just depends how you want to look at the scenario. Yes, you could see Oil City as a failing town because it is not what it used to be. Or, you could see it as a small community like Tionesta, which is even smaller than Oil City, yet a place people still seem to like visiting. This doesn't dismiss the fact that Oil City has problems that need addressed. However, as one business owner we spoke to put it, it does not have to be what it was to be a nice town. We here at the Venango Republic take the same stance, and while we plan to continue our satire surrounding Oil City and Venango County for the fun of it, we feel it is only fair that we write this piece on businesses worth visiting in Oil City. The article will be filled with some humor and jokes. However, to prove to you that we are not out to defame anyone, we will clarify that the only time we cite a business, it is to help promote their cause. If we don't think your business is worth a visit, we just don't mention you. These businesses however are some of the best the town has to offer, so without further ado, here are the businesses worth visting in Oil City. Baked Goods From Heaven Heaven forgot to send pearly gates Our lead journalist had the pleasure of sitting with the owner of this business. During the interview, we learned her name is Heaven. This begs the question as to whether her products truly came down from the almighty up above. We suspect the business is just named after her. Unfortunately, we never share anyones real name on our platform. For Heaven, we will choose to use an alias for the remainder of the article. The owner, who we will refer to as the Afterworld, defines her establishment as a Bistro and Bakery. Every week they feature three different bread flavors on a rotation. According to Miss Afterlife, everything from her establishment is made from scratch. This does not mean that she speaks her food into existence. Instead, Miss Zion makes her baked goods with her own recipes. While this is less convenient than shipping in tv dinners, the quality of the product is top notch because everything is baked at her establishment. Tell Belinda Carlisle that Heaven is a place on Earth I have visited this location a couple times with my children. Watching my kids faces light up when they picked out their own pasteries was a thrill to experience. What made it even better was the fact that they have the option to dine in. We got to order breakfast and enjoyed our time. Something worth mentioning about the bakery is that it serves breakfast, lunch and dinner on the days which it is open. On the days which they are closed, they will not serve you anything because they are closed. Cork and Screw Wines People are like grapes. When you step on them they wine. Cork and Screw Wines is a bit misleading with their choice of name. I personally have never witnessed the owners using a screw to take the cork off of their bottles. They are either doing it when I am not looking or hiding the fact that they don't have screws. Aside from this borderline false advertisement, the bar is an ideal choice for a hangout spot. What cought our attention? The interior. You'll notice that many of the businesses we mention in this article get first praise because they put in some effort to make their stores look modern. Cork and Screw Winery did just that. From the tabletops, to the lights hanging from the ceiling, the interior design was well thought out. Their food is probably good too but we didn't have any because we weren't hungery. We did however get a taste of their drinks and thoroughly enjoyed them. This is coming from a guy who does not like the taste of alcohol. Congratulations, you have shown me the potential of booze Cork and Screw. Opened in July of 2024, the owners have been heavily involved in community projects with other businesses to help raise awareness that businesses still exist in Venango County. Their colaboration with other bars and establishments has resulted in various community events drawing several people. We would cite the upcoming events, but we want this article to be current for a while, so we will instead encourage you to check out their Facebook page. What is worth noting is that the owners of this bar take a major role in the First Friday events in downtown Oil City throughout the summer. This is just one of the many examples of how they help the community come together. The inside joke of Cork and Screw Wines is their seasonal drinks they refer to as the "ice breakers." People who wouldn't know better might assume that they have a different drink for winter, summer, fall, and spring. Our lead journalist uncovered the secret behind their 4 mysterious recipes and it turns out, they just swap the label every time the season changes. So technically, it's just one drink with a four season identity disorder. All year season alcohol with an identity crisis... Something else worth mentioning is that getting the "seasonal drink" for the first time makes the drinker eligible for a free duck. We don't know why. But aparently, this excites people a lot. We're starting to wonder what is really going into that "seasonal drink." They gave us a duck too after getting a free sample of their "seasonal drink." We hired the ducks on our staff and now they check our articals four airers. You freaking ducks misspelled those words! Northwest Bank Worth visiting I guess... Just imagine the thrill of walking into a building and handing your paycheck to someone who could easily put it in someone else's account. It only takes a single wrong digit. What about the thrill of walking out of a bank with a hand full of cash you withdrew? If you're from Oil City, you probably don't know this feeling. Hey! We said humor is controversial sometimes! Nevertheless, Northwest Bank is a great option for people who want a place to keep their money. Not that they're better than the other banks in town.... We don't know because we don't bank with any of them. By the way, our advertising specialist Jay Son Born hates this place because they fired him. He deserved it though. First, because he thought it was appropriate to fist bump a customer. Secondly, because when asked by a woman in the drive through for 500 in one's, he sent out 500 in one dollar bills.... What a moron! Woods And River Coffee If it looks a bit different, AI generated the photo from examples on Google. We didn't have time to take our own picture. What we like most about woods an rivers is the young vibe it has. There are not many coffee shops in the area. Those that do exist sometimes look as if someone just bought a rundown space and said "this'll do fine." The owners of Woods and Rivers however, renovated to make this look like a hangout spot people would want to go to. That is, unless the people who ran Spilling the Beans renovated it before Woods and River moved in. In that case, great taste Spilling the Beans! More room than your grandma's purse. Just as cozy. In addition to the appeal of the coffee shop layout, the menu options offer a variety of drinks to get your morning started. Personally, I love the late's here. I consistently switch up my flavoring options and am never disapointed with what I get. As long as they don't accidentally give me pumpkin spice, I will continue to love them. They also have a breakfast menu. It is small and does not offer many options, but it is a coffee shop after all. If the lack of breakfast items is bothersome. the variety in pasteries will arguably make up for what is lacking in the breakfast menu. So stop complaining and buy a donut! Emotional support donuts. Perfect for your already failing diet. Clifford's Carpets and Rug Gallery Google says one name, their window says the other name. Ask them why.... One of the unique features about this store is that it has a wide selection of decorations you can lay on your floor to walk on. From carpets, to carpets, to even carpets, there is so much variety in what you will find at this location. What makes these products so convenient is that they lay on the ground and don't go anywhere. You can even walk on them if you want. Don't like how dirty it looks? Get a vacuum from your closet and even a shampooer. Afterwards, you can walk on it again. Stop by with your family and enjoy a day long adventure at Clifford's..... Gee people..... We're trying! Do you want us to paint this thing like it's the biggest thing since Disney World? They sell freaking rugs! What else is there to say? They're probably the only ones in town to do so. So if you need a rug, then yeah, they're probably worth a visit! If you don't need a rug, we can't really recommend them as a hangout spot. By the way.... what do you get when you combine a car and a pet????????????? Carpet was not the answer you amateur pun tellers!!!!! Core Goods Took us 6 tries before AI got it right.... Core Goods is what we like to call a super high end looking corner store. The owner put a lot of thought and effort into the aaethestics of her establishment. Between the sign, the interior, and exterior of the building, one would think this was a chain store like Panera Bread. Even the sign looks like it hired it's own marketing team. Around here, that means it wasn't created using Microsoft Paint. Yes, we should be talking more about the products, but the look of the store does deserve a bit of praise for how well it is laid out. Again, we see a lot of establishments where people move in without doing any major renovations to modernize the appeal. On the other hand, Core Goods put in the effort so that you don't have to feel like you're walking into a sketchy bar at the edge of town. Now, as for the product line, it is still a corner store, so do not expect a Wegmans experience. What you will find is a selection of recipe items ranging from sauces, spices, vegetable's, bread, and more. In an email sent out by the owner, the store was described as a one stop shop selling products from local fams and businesses in the community. You can think of this store as a location attempting to centralize various products so people do not have to drive all over the county to find them. You Amish buggy drivers can appreciate that I'm sure. These jars are living their best shelf life. The joke was AI. Not the picture. In addition to the store front, the business offers two other feaures. First, there is a catering service for private events. Secondly, there is a community room that was recently renovated. This community room holds classes on local food and sustainability, but also is available for event reservations. We are still waiting to hear back from the owner about whether or not the events can include paintball. We asked her three weeks ago and she still hasn't responded to our inquiry. Imagine the potential Core Goods! Billy's Billy's featuring random woman's arm in left side of photo.... We initially thought this was a bar the size of a hallway. Kind of like a New York City penthouse where you open the front door and accidentally flush the toilet. The outside is incredibly misleading. Once you step into the building however, you realize there is a whole restaurant with a decent seating capacity. We personally believe they are using clown car technology to expand the size of their restuarant in such an enclosed space. Evidence can be seen below. We know you're hiding this technology somewhere you clown! We did try the food instead of their alcohol. Sorry Cork and Screw. We just weren't hungery the night we visited you. Plus, your kitchen was closed. The A1 steak berger was acceptional. Come to think of it..... I haven't actualy eaten it yet. I'm writing this portion of the article at the bar and haven't even picked it up yet.... I'll get back to you on how it tastes..... Yup, it tastes good.... Billy's features a giant stage to host local bands and sometimes karaoke events. According to the bar tender and some customer sitting next to me as I write this, Wednesday All You Can Eat Wing Night is their busiest time. The guy sitting next to me at the bar also just mentioned his sister is also having a wedding reception here. This has nothing to do with why you should visit Billy's. Billy's stage. Where dreams echo louder than the crowd.... Billy's recipes have been entered into local contests. They once won a county award for Billy's Famous Award Winning Wings. They changed the name of their wings to Billy's Famous Award Winning Wings after winning the award because naming them that before winning the award would have been false advertisement. The owner, whose first name we will also keep confidential, says that they are slowly evolving into a restaurant. Prior to this season, their slogan was "Your Place for Good Times." After the pandemic, the owner says that their slogan changed to "Your Place for Good Times and Great Food." We asked the owner why their food waited till after the pandemic to become great. He stopped taking our interview seriously. All joking aside, this restaurant is a blast and worth your time for a visit. The experience is fun and the atmosphere is wonderful. The stage is impressive, food is good. Plus, who doesn't like to have a shot? Get your OIl City Cheers experience at Billy's..... As well as the other restuarants and bars mentioned above..... We don't want to be barred for praising one above the others.

The Forest County Sasquatch Festival taking place in Marienville featured lots of commemorations for the mythical creature. Unfortunately, the coordinators failed to reach out to our summer intern to invite him to his own event. "I work very hard to make a name for myself in the community" states Big Foot "I appear at local charity events and even dedicate my time to helping those in need. I would give anyone the shirt off my back if I wore one." Big Foot has been interning at the Venango Republic since March. We don't exactly know what his involvement accomplishes for us other than just being a ridiculous concept. Nontheless, the failure of Forest County to invite our summer intern makes us very upset. "I am extremely mad about the siuation" says Ye Ti, our winter intern "Big Foot deserves to be recognized at his own event. This negligence makes me so frostrated! I am so FURious" We stopped interviewing Ye Ti because his puns are stupid..... Big Foot and Ye Ti attending Forest County's largest event. The Sasquach event drew a large crowd by Marienville standards. Practically nobody came. Big Foot states that he still wishes he could have been there. Forest County has not issued an apology as of yet. Big Foot has stated that regardless of whether they do or not, he will still continue to be involved in their community as much as possible. Still, Big Foot says he’s not one to hold a grudge — but after this incident, he’s officially putting his foot down. And with a size 23 sole, Forest County just felt the tremor.

This is the biggest mistake since the doofis from Loomis made insensitive comments leading to the closure of the bar in Clarion. Only this time, the Venango Republic is to blame for poor delivery. In a Facebook post intened to "celebrate" diversity, the Venango Republic cited how "proud" they were to have such a diverse staff. However, they went on to explain how they forgot to invite their point man, Reese, and their weather man, Indiana Jones to the photo shoot. "I was somewhat disapointed by the news" says Reese "I love my coworkers but cannot believe they would have a photo shoot on diversity without me." Indiana Jones chimed in as well. "Me not like handling of circumstance. Greatly offended. Scalp Blobbert I may." Point man, Reese one the left. Weather man, Indiana Jones on the right. To make matters worse, the Venango Republic attempted to shift the blame of their mistake on the viewers of their page stating that anyone complaing are "the ones being racist." They then followed up refering to June as "Humility month." The entire post can be seen below... It is unclear how much backlash this circumstance will cause. Much like the Loomis bar in Clarion, this may cause such a stir that the Venango Republic could be shutting down for good. We will keep you updated on the situation.

The Venango County Observatory, a $20 telescope that sits on top of City Hall, which also is the City Outhouse, caught glimps of what Venango experts are calling a "new planet." The object is estimated to be within 20 feet of Earth's surface and is what professors at Venango Campus are calling "the Moon." People are calling this the biggest discovery Venango County has made since they learned life exists past the border of Clarion. With the new discovery of the space object, VASA says that they will consider sending astronauts to the nearby planet. The city budget currently sits at negative $50, Primarily because Oil City owes Franklin for upgrading the wifi. VASA can only afford to send a few hampsters and a cockroach to the new planet. If the animals can successfully land, VASA says they will declare the mission to send man to another planet a success. Venango's richest bumb, Mr. Elan Klutz, says that he will support the space mission to send pests to the new planet as long as humans take the credit. Klutz space program, Space V, will supply VASA with all the rocket fuel necessary as soon as Klutz is able to get the rockets from the Cranberry Walmart. Venango County experts are calling this the most daring mission our county has ever attempted. It we can beat Titusvilles space program to the new planet, we will be set for world domination.

Once an inseparable duo, Mayor Blunders and Elan Klutz seem to be at odds with one another. This came after the Venango entrepreneur posted negative comments about Blunders' recent bill to tax infants born naked. Klutz was initially brought on to clean up the financial mess of Oil City's financial decisions. In a sixty-day period, he was able to cut the city budget by $15. Blunders initially praised Klutz for his hard work, noting that the task took Klutz away from his multi-hundred-penny company which sells red wagons that drive themselves when the user comes to an incline. Now, Blunders states he is "disappointed in Klutz" for his criticism of the new tax bill, which he believes will "hold the next generation accountable." Klutz responded to Blunders’ disappointment, asserting that his tariffs on Pittsburgh are a "useless way to get them to surrender their claim to the Allegheny River." He followed up by saying Blunders’ attempt to name the Allegheny River the "Gulf of Venango" is the "stupidest idea ever." Blunders is now furious with Klutz and stated in a press briefing that he now plans to "sell his red wagon" since it "doesn't feature self-driving while going uphill." Koala Bearis, the runner-up to Mayor Blunders in the 2025 election, says that she will buy the wagon from Blunders, as she hopes to one day "run him over with it." Blunders says he will be happy to sell the wagon to Bearis, provided she lets him loosen the wheel bearings to increase the chances of a crash and burn. Klutz is still waiting on Blunders’ response to his recent claim that the Mayor is "in the Epstein files." According to Klutz, he made sure of this when he bought a plastic folder, labeled it Epstein, and put the Mayor's picture inside. Although Klutz is nervous the Mayor will do the same, he assures the press that any folder with his name on it already contains enough parking violations to discredit him for life.

What better way to test your knowlege on Pensylvania matters no one really cares to be informed on than a quiz about Pensylvania matters no one really cares to be informed on? You can be the winner of absolutely nothing when you participate in a quiz with questions no one knows the answers to! Just imaging scolling through your local news website and coming across a quiz about things no one cares about. To humor Explore Clarion's attempt to make state matters sound as big as national news, you click on the quiz and quickly discover that you have no idea what the questions are talking about! Although you could google the answers, you instead make random selections on the multiple choice because reading the question is just too hard. By question three, 75% of you have given up because you don't see an end to the boring quiz. This leaves 25% remaining. Why do you stay? We have no idea! It could be that you're convinced this crap is interesting or something. Go ahead! Test your knowlege on the matters you know are not interesting! There are only seven questions, and most are covered up with the Explore Clarion banner..... Guess the first line and win nothing..... Want to get even more locally controversial? There's even a question in there about a boat scandal in a state with no coastlines. Tune in next week as we violate airspace by flying a kite on Clarion Campus. Why the heck is your banner perfectly placed here? What about a question about Jared Isaacman's agency nomination? You could just pretend to know who Jared Isaacman is. Just guess which agency sounds the most expensive and you'll probably get the question right. Blah Blah Blah State matters not fun enough for you? Take it to a national level with a question about the Trump list. It goes without saying, every fun community quiz should involve an outdated federal watchlist from the most beloved and hated President of all time. Real light stuff! And now your banner is blocking the bottom answer. What the heck Explore Clarion! It’s comforting to know that no matter how serious the issue, Explore Clarion will find a way to turn it into a pop quiz next to a 7-Eleven ad.

We are no longer the area's number one choice for satiracle news, leaving the area with no remaining choice for satiracle news. According to sources on the What's Happening In Clarion County Page, our last article was so poorly put together, that we have now been denoted to weak satire. Not more than a few hours after our article about Explore Clarion was approved by a Facebook page, a massive 3 people immediately disaproved of what we wrote! The main spokesperson, who we will refer to as Mop Disenfecto, stated that we are now officially "weak satire" leaving us no choice but to report real news from now on. Mop Disenfecto being a germ Our lead journalist, Jeremy Jetfuel is entirely to blame for this mistake. He was the one to write the article along with our leading editor, Chat GPT, who approved the material. The two are facing internal backlash from the fictional staff at the Venango Republic now that some random Clarion resident has pointed out their flaw. It is very unfortunate to be denoted by such an authority of satire like Disenfecto. If anyone would know what it means to miss the point of an entire article, it would be him. Nonetheless, we must acknowlege that without his approval, we have no choice but to stop writing jokes. Consequently, Jetfuel and GPT will be sentenced to life in Venango County because of their poor satiracle reporting that did not meet Mr. Disenfecto's standard. Shame on you Jetfuel and GPT! What of the Venango Republic? Unfortunately, we are now less of a laughing stock than Explore Clarion who wrote the article we were making fun of in the first place. Now, they will likely become the areas number one source of comedy news while we sit back and report the real stories.