Vanango County Celebrates Rotary Phone Upgrade

In what local officials are calling “a revolutionary step forward in communication,” Vanango County proudly announced today that its government offices have officially upgraded their rotary phone system. After decades of using a beige model with a barely-functioning dial, the county unveiled its new top-of-the-line device: a rotary phone with a slightly longer cord.

“It’s about modernization,” said Commissioner Harold Spintone, holding up the phone like it was the latest iPhone release. “This extra three inches of cord allows our employees to reach an entire additional file cabinet. We’re talking about efficiency, mobility, and the kind of innovation that will put Vanango County on the map.”

The phone, purchased at a yard sale for $4, comes with advanced features not previously available to the county, such as a slightly louder ring tone and a redial button that only works half the time. County workers are already referring to it as the “Vanango Line 2.0.”

Critics, however, have pointed out that most surrounding counties abandoned rotary phones in the 1980s. Butler County officials were reportedly “stunned” to learn Vanango was still spinning a dial for every call. Meanwhile, Clarion College students described the upgrade as “historic,” adding that their professors will now have a great real-world example when teaching about the Stone Age.

Still, optimism in Vanango remains high. Mayor Blunders praised the county for “investing in technology,” and hinted at even bigger plans for the future. “Someday,” he said, “we might even install two phones. Imagine the possibilities.”

Local residents, many of whom still rely on landlines because cell service is nonexistent in half the county, are already lining up outside the courthouse to get a look at the new device. One elderly woman was overheard saying, “It’s just like the old phone, but shinier. This changes everything.”

The phone will be put to immediate use handling urgent county calls, such as complaints about barking dogs, debates over the LockRock Pipeline, and questions about when the local Dollar General is opening its next location.

Vanango County officials are calling this the first step in a bold 10-year plan to eventually consider the possibility of cordless phones.